Nothing to Fier

Sexual Assault and a Christian College: Why We Are Not Exempt and How Jesus Heals

A few months ago, I had the chance to meet with a woman and fellow Biola student over coffee. While on the one hand, I was excited to catch up with a woman who had grown in her faith tremendously – from what I would argue was nonexistent to someone who was really searching for real Peace and Hope. On the other hand, I wanted to apologize for some of my actions that occurred with her during my rebellious and sinful time early on in my Biola career.

Everything went extremely well and it was a time of healing and forgiveness for both of us.

However, what I didn’t expect was to hear that during her freshman year of college, she was date raped by a fellow Biola student. By God’s grace, she is healing and is processing what it means to search for real Jesus. My hope and prayer is that she finds His all-encompassing love and redeeming power in her life.

I write this in wake up of this week’s Sexual Violence Awareness campaign on our campus. I love it. It’s an important conversation to start, continue, and immerse ourselves in on a continual basis, because it’s a taboo topic that needs to be brought into Gospel and Truth driven light.

This post is a follow up to my previous post on Depression, Porn, and Sexual Assault. While the first post was thoughts on how we as students and student-leaders should act and react, this post is to be more focused on the message of the Cross and the immense power of redemption that can take place because of Jesus Christ’s sacrifice and resurrection.

According to Dr. Justin S. Holcomb and his wife Lindsey, who put together an extensive book on this very topic titled, Rid of My Disgrace, 1 in 4 women and 1 in 6 men will be sexually assaulted in their lifetime.

Although descriptions vary, I will use the Holcomb’s definition of sexual assault, which is fairly broad, so that we don’t minimize those who experience it.

Dr. Holcomb says that:

“Our definition of sexual assault is any type of sexual behavior or contact where consent is not freely given or obtained and is accomplished through force, intimidation, violence, coercion, manipulation, threat, deception, or abuse of authority. This definition gets beyond our society’s narrow understanding of the issue and expands the spectrum of actions to be considered sexual assault.”

Breaking down the numbers the Holcomb’s’ put together or referenced is astounding, heart breaking, infuriating, and if you call yourself a follower of Christ, should light a burning fire in your heart to help these victims.

To quote my previous blog, here is a rundown.

·      Every 2 minutes someone in the US is sexually assaulted.

·      17% (or 1/6) men and 25% (1/4) women are or will be victims of sexual assault in their lifetime.

·      90% of young women involved in prostitution (or porn, adult entertainment, etc.) were sexually abused as children.

·      80% of victims are assaulted by a known acquaintance.

·      80% of victims are under 30.

·      Only 5-20% of assaults are actually reported.

My heart is grieved when I reread these stats. We’re facing an epidemic – and without resolution. If we break this down, that means anywhere from 750-900 students are sexual assault victims on our campus.

I took the liberty to break it down into terms for Biola students to really comprehend the staggering effect of sexual assault and how it reaches our campus:

If you take a floor of 60 girls in a dorm, 15 are assault victims.

On a floor of 60 guys, 10 are victims.

If you add them up, in a dorm relative to the size of Horton, there are 90 women and 40 men who have been sexually assaulted in one dormitory alone.

I would like to dedicate the next two portions of this blog to those who have been sexually assaulted, and then the men and women on Biola’s campus.

To those who have been sexually assaulted:

First of all, I am sorry.

What you have gone through isn’t a reflection of who you are, it doesn’t need to be your identity, and you have the every right to come and shed light into your past if you haven’t already done so.

You experienced one of the greatest injustices in the world, and an injustice that isn’t spoken about or talked about enough.

But:

·      You have nothing to be ashamed about.

·      You are loved and cared about by many around you.

·      There are ways to get helped – to those who are carrying it from their past and to those who are still being sexually assaulted in this very moment.

Most importantly, God not only cares for and loves you, but he also knows your very pain and experienced your very suffering.

Hebrews 4: 14-16 says, “…For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin. Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.”

When Jesus was sent to live on this earth in the form of man, He did it with one agenda: to save this world from their depravity and to provide the ultimate justice, peace, hope, and love by the all redemptive work of His death on the cross and His resurrection from the tomb.

That’s the Gospel message. When Christ was put on the Cross, the sins of the world’s history to come was put upon Him.

You were sinned against. Whether it was sins of omission, by a father who didn’t do anything, as Jacob sat on the sidelines and gave up his own daughter (Gen. 34), or sins of commissions as someone acted against you, you were sinned against. And while you are not necessarily to blame for this sin, because sin affects everyone one our souls, it has a strong effect on you.

But know that Christ suffered so that you may be redeemed.

1 John 4:10 says, “In this love, not that we loved God, but that He loved us, and sent His Son to be the propitiation for our sins.”

God mourns for you and with you. If you are a follower of Christ, God has already given you Himself through the Holy Spirit to be continually sanctified in this process that you might be healed.

In Romans 8:26, Paul writes, “Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groaning too deep for words.”

I plea with you to pursue grace, truth, and the redemptive work of the cross with a fervor and passion your soul has never before longed for. That you no longer hide behind this identity of pain and brokenness; that you seek – and find – justice by and through Christ’s ultimate sacrifice, and that you can find His grace is sufficient in all things, as Paul writes in 2 Corinthians 12:9.

I have one recommendation for you as you journey through this process:

Buy a journal. Write out your sexual past including sexual acts you’ve committed to consensually and sexual acts that were committed against you sinfully. From your earliest memories – as some of you reading this were sexually assaulted as early as your time in diapers – to the things going on in your life right now. It could take hours, days, weeks, months, and I guarantee it will take more than a few boxes of tissues, but it’s worth it.

For more resources on the evidence of God’s grace, love, and understanding, please check out Rid of My Disgrace ($15 on Amazon).

One Final Note:

To those that don’t believe this is a subject to be broached by chapels and events, that this is to be kept in the confines of the church or counselors office, or that it doesn’t affect our campus.

You’re wrong, and I will go as far to say by hindering the healing process of the Gospel, you are acting out in a selfish and sinful way by desiring to sidestep the conversation all together. Never limit the work of the Cross and understand that as hard as it is to admit, Biola students are not exempt to sin and there are certainly a percentage of students who do not know real Jesus on our campus.

We have an epidemic of sinful desires at our school, that I know both vicariously and first hand. We have students clubbing, doing drugs, drinking alcohol, watching porn, and being sexually active on campus – and may I add, this doesn’t even begin to touch the subject on homosexuality.

Yes, there have been people caught (and not caught) drinking or doing drugs on our campus.

Yes, there have been people caught (and not caught) having sex within our campus confines.

I have heard stories of students engaging in sexual acts with roommates present. I have heard stories of date rape. I have heard stories of students struggling with homosexuality and roping their friends into experimenting with it.

I have heard these stories from the students themselves. From their RA’s. From student leaders and staff members.

It is a problem, and it’s one we need to address.

One Final (Final) Note:

Men:

Don’t be stupid. Don’t act like you believe in this subject, act as if you will protect your sisters, and go back to your dorm room to watch porn.

Don’t go to clubs or certain dances that I don’t even need to name and grind up on some girl because you either don’t know her, or you know she’s “down,” or she goes to another school. You’re objectifying them, most of them either Christians or in desperate need of Him (as we all are), and you will most likely go home and finish off your “needs” if you don’t “get some” there.

Don’t raise your hands in worship if you’re feeling up under your girlfriend’s clothes in the car before. Don’t share your theological “wisdom” in class and then go and try to convince a girl to send you pictures from her phone.

First of all, if you think I’m being extreme. I’m not – I know guys personally who have done or still do these things. Second of all, before I started committing all aspects of my life to Christ, I was guilty of many of these things to some degree or another. And I promise you this – it’s an identity issue that normally finds its roots from insecurity, pride, and lust.

Women:

You too need some encouragement. I want to encourage you to find your fulfillment and sense of identity in Christ and not in the ways of the world.

You don’t need to sell yourself short and become a PG-13 version of Girls Gone Wild on the dance floor (and sometimes worse) to find validation from men. Dr. Barry Corey covered that today, and so I encourage you to watch that video when it becomes available this week.

If objectifying yourself is what makes the man you want or are currently dating happy with you, he’s not a man. He’s a little boy. If you continue to let yourself be objectified by these boys, you will find yourself in an abusive relationship (either physical, emotional, or both), and one that statistically speaking, leads to divorce.

Please know that God sent His Son to be beaten while blindfolded, flogged, and crucified on a cross (to be raised from the dead of course!) for you, so that you can be rooted in His love, mercy, grace, and tenderheartedness.

If a man is telling you that your heart for Christ isn’t enough – that you must sell yourself for the sake of “love” then that man doesn’t love Jesus and that man wants to be your Jesus.

Find women who love Jesus who are smarter and wiser than you, who have perhaps journeyed through this. Find a community group in your church for starters, and perhaps approach a Biola professor for someone they have in mind (if it’s a woman, maybe it can be them, and if it’s a man, perhaps his wife!).

He himself bore our sins in his body on the tree, that we might die to sin and live to righteousness. By his wounds you have been healed. For you were straying like sheep, but have now returned to the Shepherd and Overseer of your souls.

(1 Peter 2:24-25 ESV)

Know that I’m filled (as are many) with a compassionate love and care for you and your pain, and I would love to either connect with you or provide someone trustworthy that you can connect with, whether it’s in La Mirada or around the globe. Feel free to email me and I will provide resources and contacts for you!

6 Things about Singleness I Learned from Real Marriage | Mars Hill Church →

Never Say Never: Why Jesus Agrees with Justin Bieber

Never Say Never – Why Jesus Agrees With Justin Bieber

Bible schools are stereotyped to be places to become pastors and places to become pastors’ wives.

There’s no way around the fact. But wait, before you roll your eyes and think that I’m about to strum on the same old six-string chords of love, I’ll ruin the suspense: it’s not about dating. (Editor’s note: we’re aware that about half our readers just exited the page and logged back into Facebook.)

However, there is a slightly new and upcoming trend – and perhaps I’m just seeing it for the first time, perhaps it comes with age, or whatever the case – to revolt from that pattern and declare independence.

While the number is still few compared to those who are dying to date and get married, and after all, it is (ring by) spring time, there is a faint scream from people who don’t want to get married, or at least claim they don’t want to date.

Though I tend to fall into the “hopeless romantic” spectrum of feelings, intellectually and selfishly I catapult back over to the “bachelor to the rapture” side of the conversation.

As I’ve wrestled through this conversation with quite a few people, these are generally the responses and reasoning behind staying single:

“Marriage just seems difficult, and come on, I can do more for the kingdom as a single loving Jesus.”

“I like having my friends and freedom – marriage seems like an old ball and chain.”

“I’ve kept my standards and lived up to them – most people haven’t – so I don’t think I can ever find someone who can live up to the same standard.”

“I dated seriously, it didn’t work out, and it really hurt. Why go through that again when I have Jesus?”

“Girls are confusing.”

“Men are confusing.”

“It would be a financial burden on me.”

The list goes on and on. The striking thing about these responses, is that it always start off with an I statement, usually about how good that individual is, followed by a they statement, explaining what a burden the other person would be.

While I’m going to attack this ideal of the word never, I want to be clear about something – it goes much farther than dating and marriage. How many of us have heard the following:

“I’m never going to be a missionary. Period.”

“I’ll never watch porn.”

“I’ll never have sex outside of marriage.”

“I’ll never get drunk.”

“I’ll never watch The Bachelor.” (Guilty.)

There are some fundamental root issues within “Never” statements that all relate to identity issues and sin issues in a person’s heart. I’ll cover a few.

1.     Pride: With all of these examples, the root of the sentence is all about the individual: Who I am, what I can do, where I will go, what I have done, my strengths, my abilities, my desires.

As I mentioned before, the justification of the reasoning is blamed on other:  Who they are, what they do, where they are going, what they have done, theirweaknesses, their faults, their (evil) desires.

These statements are usually said with a demeaning and condescending heart towards others.

2.     Insecurities/Worry: The second thing that jumps out about these “never” statements is the insecurities. Usually, after placing blame on someone or something else, they start to justify themselves by using excuses.

“I would be a pastor, but what about money?”

“I wouldn’t have gotten drunk, but I was tired.”

Ultimately, many of these “never” ideologies are really cover ups for fears and insecurities about the unknown. Sure, you actually do want to get married, but the fears of learning to be selfless, not knowing if you will be a good husband or wife, worrying that you will become another statistic, all lead you to the reactionary response of “I’m never getting married.”

           

You would go work for a nonprofit, you know that’s what God is calling you to, but ultimately $60,000 of debt is a lot of money and being in ministry won’t exactly pay it off quickly.

On the flip side, you could say, “I wanted to be a photographer, but I’ll never be as good as her” or “I wanted to be a business major, but I’m not as competitive or experienced as others!”

This is all simply worry and anxiety!

3.     Idol Worship: We sing a song at church that proclaims, “Turn from your statues and idols made of gold. Rise from your knees, stop worshipping, the splinters of broken gods, turn and see your King!”

I love that imagery because it’s first scriptural and second it addresses one of the very roots of our sinful nature. “Never” statements are really revelations about the idols in our heart.

We would do ________, but really, we love our situation or ourselves more. Move out of state for college? Sure, but my girlfriend can’t move with me. Go to seminary? Sure, but being a psychologist pays more. Give up Starbucks every day for a month and give that extra money to a couple in my community group? No thanks, coffee is what I need to get through the day.

Idols of people, idols of money, idols of “needs”, idols of self.

At the end of the day, idol worship leads to “Never” statements, because “Never” statements are about us – what we can or can’t be, what we will or will not do, what we want or don’t want, and not about Jesus. Idol worship is all about us, and trying to make the created greater than the creator.

So, as with everything, let’s look at Jesus and the Cross and see what the Bible has to say.

What Jesus says about pride:

In Luke 9, the disciples are arguing about who the greatest among them is. Sidenote, if you and your friends are ever wondering the same thing, it doesn’t really matter, because all of are terrible in light of Jesus.

Jesus’ response? “Whoever receives this child in my name receives me, and whoever receives me receives him who sent me. For he who is least among you all is one who is great.” (9:46-48).

While I want to stray away from the topic of how becoming last doesn’t mean becoming some person hell-bent on making sure “he is the least of these,” I do want to point out Jesus is making this point to direct us towards Him and being servant hearts. In the majesty of who He is, we are all last. None of us compare. But, there is hope. By modeling our lives after His servant-hearted life, together, we can enter the Kingdom redeemed, justified, and in that sense, first!

Also see Mark 7:14-23 and Proverbs for more on pride – specifically Proverbs 16.

What Jesus says about insecurities and worry:

“Therefore, I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing?” Matthew 6:25.

What I love about this passage is that it actually connects to idols – pleasures, image, and monetary items – but more on that in a minute. Jesus calls us to live in the here and now. I tell my football players that all the time, that we need to be, “right here, right now.”

If we start living parenthetically (Dr. Thoennes alert), we start missing things. If all we do is focus on Easter Break, we will miss Good Friday, some key notes in class, and probably start zoning out from our quality friendships. If we only focus on frozen yogurt, then we could miss the wonderful strawberries at The Caf. If all we do is focus on the resurrection, and not Jesus’ birth and humanity, we miss one of the most crucial parts of the gospel. If we only think about eternity, we will miss the opportunity to bring people to Christ to celebrate with us in eternity.

So, as Jesus says, stop! Continue to seek Jesus, expand the kingdom, and look to what He is calling you to right this very moment. If you’re a student, then study. If you’re a husband or wife, then don’t just be a good husband or wife, but flourish in doing so and make your spouse see Jesus in a deeper way. if you’re a barista, make the best latte for the worst customer for the glory of God. Get the point? Good.

What Jesus says about idols:

“And a ruler asked him, “Good Teacher, what must I do to inherit eternal life?” And Jesus said to him, “…You know the commandments: ‘Do not commit adultery, Do not murder, Do not steal, Do not bear false witness, Honor your father and mother.’” And he said, “All these I have kept from my youth.” And Jesus heard this, he said to him, “One thing you still lack. Sell all that you have and distribute to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven; and come, follow me.” But when he heard these things, he became very sad, for he was extremely rich. (Luke 18:18-23).

Most pastors use this passage as way to show how difficult it is to give up money for Jesus. Yes, this is true. However, there is more. This man has an identity issue wrapped up in what he did, does, and can do. He is wealthy, probably respected, and he knows it.

His idol is himself.

Jesus calls us to lay down our idols, pick up our cross, and follow him (Luke 9:23). The earthly cost can be extremely painful.

For those that are well off, giving up a large portion of your income, shrinking down on your lifestyle, and doing it cheerfully can be hard. For those that are popular but don’t talk about Jesus to your friends because of losing their stature, then yes, being persecuted isn’t exactly a fun thing.

Picking up cross isn’t painless. Ask Jesus. But it’s worth the cost here on earth in order that we may hear, “Well done, good and faithful servant.”

So instead of claiming that you need that Mocha Frap and a few hours of sleep instead of church, I challenge you to rethink your heart and your identity.

As my pastor once told me, we should be thankful Jesus didn’t look at the sun on the day of crucifixion and say, “You know what, I think I’ll pass on this. I could use some more time in the garden instead of this whole crucified thing.”

Jesus calls us to live sacrificially, not comfortably, he calls us to serve, not consume, and he calls us to flourish, not just live life contently.

So, instead of claiming you’ll be celibate, sober, rich, and comfortable, try to adapt to the idea that God calls us to uncomfortable situations in the least to stretch us, mold us, grow us, and help us flourish.

Stop claiming what you can do, and start proclaiming what Jesus has done, is doing, and will do.

To those who think marriage will be hard: Yes. Duh. No kidding. But after witnessing my parents and couples at church grow together, reflect Jesus to each other, and serve the Kingdom, it certainly can portray Jesus’ marriage to the church and to us in a new light.

To those who don’t want to go into ministry because you have debt will provide. Yeah, you’re going to have debt. Have faith too.

To those who think they have abilities, talents, and control: you don’t. Jesus does. We’re all warped and tainted – more like consumed – by our sinful and depraved nature. Jesus came to claim us from that.

Jesus redeems us. Jesus loves us. Jesus saves.

It’s all about Jesus.

Editors Note: For more on these subjects check out the following podcasts from Reality L.A and Solid Rock Church (Portland, Ore.).

Tim Chaddick, The Help We Need

John Mark Comer,  The Art of Yes + No

Solid Rock Church (Guest Pastor, Acts 29): Missional Living in Community

The purpose of this blog is to push people towards the cross, to see and seek Jesus more passionately, and to encourage people to push the Kingdom. For contact information, check out the links on the right.