Nothing to Fier

How Her Story Became Apart of Mine: Jesus Redeems Our Stories

Wed, 12 Dec 2012 23:48:00 -0800

Below is a speech I recently gave to my class about storytelling, our stories, and how Jesus redeems it all. As the fourth anniversary of the death of Rachel Daggett occurred last Sunday, December 9th, I’m reminded that even in tragedy, Jesus is always working.

I had a previous speech written up on why we should care about the achievement gap. But then I realized that as passionate as I am to helping inner city school children, this will be my last speech in our Comm. 100 and subsequently, this will be my last opportunity to persuade you about anything. Today I want to tell you why telling stories matters, and why being an effective communicator can literally change the course of history. I hope that by the end of my speech, you will realize that we are called to be storytellers, and that our stories matter. I will go over three points: how stories can capture attention, how stories can quickly change directions, and ultimately, how story telling can save lives.

“I once knew a girl with girl with the bluest of eyes, the brightest of smiles, and the emptiest of hearts.” Beginning a story can gain attention like no other. You can instantly gain credibility and the attentive ears of your audience. Geoff Livingstone, author and public speaker known for his book, “Welcome to the Fifth Estate” describes this as the “personification method of story telling.” He says, “Well executed, the person and their audience can share experiences together.” By starting off my story with the overture of love, most of you can instantly relate to a Jr. high or high school love story. Or Taylor Swift songs. By gaining attention for the right reasons, we can use our stories to change the direction of our audience.

“Her name was Rachel. Rachel cursed like a sailor and was thirsty for truth. She had a jolly and obnoxious laugh, and she sat next to me in my 5^th period economics class.” Stories, as I just mentioned, have an usual way to change directions very quickly. In the Bible, Joseph and Mary had a pretty typical story. Joseph was to be married to Mary, be a good husband and future dad, work hard and be a good Jew. But the story changes. “The angel answered her, ‘The Holy Spirit will come upon you and the power of the Most High will overshadow you; therefore, the child will be born and will be called holy – the Son of God.’” You see, just like Mary and Joseph, stories with unusual plot changes can help us realize that indeed, our personal lives aren’t unusual – and as our lives turn and twist, sometimes tragically, we can relate. As Pastor Tim Chaddick of Reality LA said at a College Conference last January, “We must realize the importance of our identity…and realize that it changed the moment we accepted Jesus into our lives.”Our stories change, and it’s important we recognize change and call it as it is in our storytelling. If we can recognize change, we can realize our storytelling can literally change lives.

“Rachel always had questions about the Bible, even saying, “I don’t know if I believe, but I know the verses you share make me feel better. Make my day seem like it’s worth it.” Indeed, story telling can change lives. You see, Rachel was a classmate of mine. We did indeed sit together in economics. The girl was a hurricane, a culture shock, and the most loveable human being I ever met. But she didn’t know Jesus. And I’m going to tell you now the rest of this story, and why my storytelling mattered and still matters. I went to a public high school with one of the worst drug problems in the state of Oregon. Rachel was a big time drug user crushing up prescription pain pills known as oxycodone and smoking them through tin foil. And every class she asked me, begged me, to send her verses and to take her to church. I could see the pain in her eyes but my own selfish pride and fear were more evident in mine. I knew my story at the time was a joke. I promised Rachel I would take her but my shame wouldn’t let me. The story Rachel needed to hear was that God loved her so much he came and died so she wouldn’t have to. She needed to see that from my life, but the truth is, my life was a wreck. I was choosing a lifestyle with my teammates and friends that didn’t show I loved or followed Jesus. I was living in sin with my girlfriend at the time, being a stupid 18-year-old boy. So instead of sharing my story with Rachel, I took her trust and put it in my back pocket. And subsequently, she became apart of my story. I remember it was November of 2008, and I told my friend Aaron that Rachel would come to our church retreat a few months later, find Jesus, and change our drug culture forever. I’ll never forget that on December 9^th, four years ago last Sunday, he called me. And he said three words I’ll never forget: “Matt…….Rachel died.”

Pastor Mark Driscoll of Mars Hill Church recently said, “The genealogy of Jesus includes Bathsheba to show that God can work through our mistakes and our sin.” just like us, Jesus’ story involved a lot of sin-filled people. But he didn’t stop telling his story. I want you guys to know as I close up, that not a day goes by where I don’t somehow think about Rachel. That I wish I had known these facts about story telling. Because instead of being apart of my story, Jesus could have used mine in hers. That my sin hindered and perhaps ultimately deterred her from knowing Him. I want to encourage you guys and let you know that no matter where you are coming from: sexual sin, sexual addictions, drug abuse, alcohol abuse, abusive parents, sexual abuse, anger, pride, anything and everything. That Jesus died for you, so you don’t have to. There is no shame in the Gospel. So don’t live in fear, but live in outspoken humility because your story matters. Thank you.

The Good, The Bad, The Bitter

Tue, 04 Dec 2012 13:30:52 -0800

Throughout my four years at Biola U., I have found myself answering the infamous “What do I do?” question when it comes to the lovely world of complex metaphysical nature of the heart (also known as relationships and dating). These thoughts are not limited to just dating though – often they can be applied to all relationships. So, with all of that in mind, let’s dig in!

Question: What do I do if they don’t feel the same?

1. Don’t forcefully change your entire being.

But I say to you, Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, so that you may be sons of your Father who is in heaven.” Matthew 5 44-45, ESV.

I think one of the biggest mistakes people make is to try and over protect themselves. By deleting the contact number and Facebook friendship, ignoring them around town (and campus), and sheepishly and awkwardly running the opposite direction when they see their former (or never) other, we create a mindset that’s unhealthy for our heart.

We start to pin the blame – either on ourselves or on them – and create reasons why we shouldn’t or won’t be in relationship (platonic) with them. Usually this only results in anger, bitterness, hurt, and a stoic condescending attitude. Aside from the fact this isn’t healthy for our mental well-being, it’s not what Christ did nor commands us to do.

I’m going to use this Scripture in a relatively broad manner, so work with me. We may not view another person as the “enemy” like the Jews believed the Romans were, but the same Christ-led passion prevails. We need to continue to bestow Christ like love on those who disappoint or hurt us in our relationships.

2. If at first you don’t succeed…

…Trust God, again, again, and again. To use a relatively recent example, a young woman is dealing with the disappointment that a man doesn’t share the same feelings and interest she expressed in him. She asked me what she can do – does she follow up, explain that she still wants to be friends, and awkwardly force the issue? Does she ignore it and move on? What does she do?

Well, the answer is a little of everything.

First, protect your heart. Don’t put yourself in situations that create more pain (aka still invite them everywhere, text them all the time, let your mind wander towards them). Second, refer to my first point – don’t let your heart create bitterness and keep loving them as your brother or sister in Jesus. Why? Because Christ loves them and they are probably still an okay person. Third, find natural rhythms in your life to continue to let them be in your community.

In this specific instance, this young woman was a friend with this young man before her feelings interceded and intervened. They share mutual friends, interests, and commonalities. I believe it is okay to continue to invite this young man into her natural rhythms. Going to the movies with a group of people? Invite him! Going to the Café or having people over for dinner? Let him know that he and his friends are invited. Wave when she sees him around school. Be willing to allow the friendship to grow.

As a final note on this point, don’t expect that this man (or woman) will magically fall in love with you over time…but also don’t shut that door. God knows what’s best for you. One of the most over and misused passages of the Bible comes from Jeremiah 11. God, through Jeremiah is telling the Exiles that He knows what is going on. He reminds them that He “knows the plans” He has for them! He has a plan for their future and their hope. When they pray, He will listen. Finally, if they seek Him will all their hearts, they will find Him!

How great and powerful is that reminder for our lives as well! Maybe our life won’t be prosperous and perfect, but guess what, God has a perfect plan. He already started it by sending Jesus to die for our sins and to be raised from death. Patiently and aggressively seek the Kingdom, and God’s plan will be revealed to you.

3. It’s okay to be fun.

(Queue music: Some nights I…get it? No? Never mind). I once attended a conference love, relationships, and Songs of Solomon. Pastor Mark Driscoll from Mars Hill Church came to Los Angeles through Reality LA and his good buddy, Tim Chaddick.

Pastor Mark gave women some advice that stuck with me, so I would like to pass it along to you.

Men often get caught up looking at the top of the hill for a woman – and don’t realize that their perfect wife is right there in front of them. So, women, it’s okay to stand on your tippy toes with a plateful of cookies (or throw a football at him, play guitar, show off your Business Presentations skills…whatever you want) to get gently remind him you are still there. Guys can be stupid. We all know that. So, I’m not saying out rightly pursue a man, but hey, it’s okay to sometimes say “Dude, you’re stupid.” After all, Martin Luther’s eventual wife did it.

For you men, there is a very, very, very fine line between sweet and creepy. If you did the right thing, and asked a lady on a nice date (and not the whole, “Want to grab coffee where I surprise you and pay then claim to all my friends we are dating” ploy., and she says no, then back off. But, if there isn’t that definite no, then do nice things. Open the door. Buy her drink. Show up with her favorite candy bar when you have class with her. Just don’t be creepy about it. If you are doing things because you are selfish and not because you want to love her like Jesus does and commands you to do, then you may want to read some of my other pieces.

4. Finally, are you idolizing or loving?

This one is short and sweet, but we tend to go off too far to one side or another. I already mentioned bitterness and hate. Did you know you can actually love someone wrongly? A lesson I learned this past year is that an unbridled love someone who isn’t ready to receive or reciprocate can end up in a lot of hurt. Love as Christ does and did – and that means to love smartly. Sometimes, the best thing you can do is simply pray for that person and do what you can – when space and timing allows – to love on them. Don’t go to the point of idolizing another being outside of God. It never, ever, ever works…like ever. (Get it? Song reference two? No, just me?)

I hope this holiday cheerful blog provides some sort of thought provoking wisdom into your life this week! Blessings to all – and remember those who are less fortunate than yourself…check out this list for a place to donate gifts or toys to families and children in need!

Letting Go of the Soul

Wed, 14 Nov 2012 22:46:45 -0800

I sit here, staring blankly at the blank white pages in Word. Sufjan Stevens is quietly playing over the sounds of the traffic outside, and the smell of freshly grounded coffee is eradicating itself from the coffee pot as it sits in its glory awaiting the delay brew to click in the morning.

It’s dark in my kitchen corner, with the Bible on one side, rent checks on the other, and my phone laying somewhere between. This week has been a turning point of this year. Grades are coming together, growing up took place, and a realization that I cannot even begin to comprehend the reality of the speedgame we call life.

Perhaps the greatest show of maturity is the ability to simply keep details of my life to myself. It makes for unbearable blog writing, but it does create a calming presence in my heart. In the midst of applying for jobs, suppressing ring by spring temptations (or perhaps nightmares), and connecting with people for the last time (I will use that broad stroke term for my entire Senior year), it’s nights like these that will allow me to survive.

In a few months, I will more than likely be at least 1,000 miles away from this kitchen. I may be 2,787 miles away if I get wish. Surely I cannot be the only senior who realizes these thoughts. I close my eyes and I am torn, my dreams of the future start to wash into my warm thoughts of what will become yesteryears. Snow storms and palm trees? Subways and Carmageddon? The Pacific Coast Highway and the Brooklyn Bridge? These things don’t go together except in my mind.

Pacing through campus on a daily basis causes me to stare into the people around me. I try to imagine where they are going or what they are dreaming of, especially when they are young and full of Biola and college life ahead of them.

To those who have a few months left (or perhaps weeks) and to those who might just stick around La Mirada for what seems like forever, I have important words for you.

Those scenes in the movies, the slow flashbacks with the bright sun flares and Indie music? Where Christmas romances and summer flings combine with the sights of laughing friends and bon fires? When you can remember staring deeply into someone’s eyes, and remember the time that those inside jokes and late nights to FroYo seemed like they would last forever?

That moment happens. And remember it fondly. Remember it kindly. Remember it with joy. Remember it with tears. Always remember it.

The truth is, you won’t see most of these people ever again…and I almost want to say that you should hope for that. Some friends will certainly carry for a lifetime, but you may not ever be able to walk out of your room and visit them as easily.

Realize that life is long…and realize that you are young…we are young (don’t start singing in your mind). Move around. Travel. Take that impromptu trip to the bay at midnight, ask a girl on a date, go explore Los Angeles, and whatever you do, don’t trip while skinny dipping and eat a mouthful of sand (it hurts later).

Finally…let your soul go until you find it in the hands of Someone who will always take care of you. One day, I hope to see all of you again, for a very long eternity, and I know that I probably won’t see all of you…but I sure hope I do.

Love Lingers

Thu, 11 Oct 2012 00:53:12 -0700

It’s not often that I write off the cuff of my jacket, with the filter turned down, and the lights dimmed low.

Theoretically, it’s because often I want to balance the reality of the strong convictions I hold in my life and not overwhelm it with emotion that tends to either get me into trouble or situations that I’d much rather avoid.

As the temperature (finally) cools down here in Southern California, I hit the magic wall of reality, as I have had multiple meetings and times to process my future after I leave Biola University.

At the end of the day, I have to finally come to terms that my time is coming…the proverbial sunset I yearned for nearly 4 years ago is coming, and I’m doing my best attempt at utilizing the flickering rays of daylight that I have left to let Jesus redeem my mistakes here, to leave a legacy of His love on this campus, and to leave transformed in both spirit and mind.

My time here at BU has brought many seasons, and I know that there will be a few more storms to weather and beautiful and tranquil moments as well. As I reflect on this late night, I realize the greatest lesson I learned has been love.

I have learned what real love is from my friends here. We’ve gotten to go through that transition from children to adults together. We’ve held each other when we’ve cried, laughed with and at each other, and held together when the darkness creeps around.

The worship nights, the chapels, the conferences, the car rides, the meals, the jobs, the concerts, the Nationballs, the Mock Rocks, the meetings, the classes, the Bible studies…have all circled around relationships.

It starts with Jesus and carries out through His people. I’m so grateful for those around me, for those who have spent considerable amounts of time pouring into my life, and for those that God used for what seemed like a short breeze through the night.

But, as some nights go, tonight is a night to be thankful but emotional. As Biola will continue to be Biola when I leave, these people will continue to live their lives as well. Time is unforgiving in itself, even if forgiveness can come in time. We will walk together in May, and for many of them, I won’t see them until we are at Eternity’s threshold.

Yes, indeed, the greatest lesson I’ve learned here is love…who to give my heart to, who to protect it from, who to pour into, who to let pour into me, who to guard, who to lovingly rebuke.

So, all that said, I wanted to thank those who have walked with me, and allowed me to walk with them. To all the roommates, GYRAD dates, inner circle friends, people who have encouraged or rebuked me, thank you, thank you, thank you.

I thank God for you all the time.

The night winds down, and I can hear the traffic echo by over the quiet sounds of Bon Iver that resonate from my computer, and I know these years have happened for a reason.

I think the greatest lesson I’ve learned, is to love someone without being loved back. Love is a funny thing that we think needs to be reciprocated to live on…but I’ve learned quite the opposite. When others claim that logic behold, it seems we are being used, seems we are being abused, and seems like we should carry on with our lives and watch out for ourselves, I beg to disagree.

The best lesson I have ever learned at this school, is that Jesus loves me despite how depraved I am, despite how I fail, despite how I don’t appreciate His grace, mercy, and sacrifice. So if we are to live like Christ, we must do the same…

I won’t forget a dear friend of mine any time soon, and this year might have terrible emotional hangovers when it rains or when it’s sunny and the air is cool and crisp, but I’m so grateful anyways. It raises the standard, it changes desires, it reminds me how long I have to go, and how much work Jesus has left in my own heart.

It’s no longer like a novel or a movie, but it’s a reality. It’s not soft, warm, and fuzzy, but it’s deep, it cuts, and it lingers like the salt of the sweat and tears that touch our lips…but it’s sweet, it’s wonderful, and it’s lovely.

Yes, it has been the hardest decision of my life, but I’ll continue to love because God knows I don’t deserve His love, and they deserve love more than anyone I know…even if it’s never noticed nor appreciated.

And that, is how we will walk away from the keyboard. Thanks for sticking it out.

"…only because (Tebow) he requested the session (of a national interview)."

Mon, 08 Oct 2012 12:29:49 -0700

“…only because (Tebow) he requested the session (of a national interview).”

- “The more you read between the lines, the more you see the truth about the joke known as Tim Tebow’s marketing faith ploy…Skip Bayless: My Year of Tebow - ESPN

"The more you read between the lines, the more you see the truth about the joke known as Tim..."

Mon, 08 Oct 2012 12:28:39 -0700

“The more you read between the lines, the more you see the truth about the joke known as Tim Tebow’s marketing faith ploy…”…only because he (Tebow) requested the session.””

- Skip Bayless: My Year of Tebow - ESPN

Sexuality Matters: Homosexuality, Biola, and Jesus

Thu, 20 Sep 2012 19:59:51 -0700

When I took over the Religious Lectures Coordinator position at Biola University, I knew that in order for my “department” (my staff member and I) to succeed, a few things needed to take place.

First, we can’t shy away from anyone or any issue. Christians face a plethora of controversial topics, theological debates, and cultural pressures that tend to be divisive among the visible church of Christ. As an organization of Associated Students, we can’t allow fear of man to drive us, but rather fear of God and the power of the Holy Spirit to empower us and give us wisdom as we wade through each event.

Second, we needed to find the heart of the issues (i.e homosexuality, sexual sins, etc.) and not just the surface-level defenses that we as Christians tend to put up to avoid taboo topics. We can argue theologically because we are (hopefully) good Bible-students, but we actually avoid the deep sinful roots of our heart such as hate, shame, and love of self.

Third, and most importantly, we need to remember that it’s all about Jesus. It’s easy to take accomplishments and assign it to self-glory – it’s better to take accomplishments and praise and give it to the Master and God of all.

This year isn’t about how many people come to our events, how much praise we can gather, or how good we feel about our roles in AS or performance as a staff. Instead, it’s about seeing conversations started, redemption taking place, and sleepy Christians waking up.

We don’t aim to be successful in our glory, but rather, see lives changed for Christ and for people to learn what it’s like to be on-mission, living a grace-filled life instead of a shame covered one.

With that being said, our first event is coming up and we need you.

We need you to pray, to be in scripture, and to come with hearts wide open for the Holy Spirit to move.

On September 27^th, we will be holding a panel discussion on homosexuality. In light of the events that took place last spring, and in line with the statement President Dr. Barry Corey made regarding the issue, we have worked closely with Student Development to put this on.

This event will affirm Bible-based theology and therefore, what Jesus has commanded.

Dr. Chris Grace (Student Development), Dr. Erik Thoennes (Theology), and Dr. Tamara Anderson (Psychology), will discuss aspects of homosexuality and how we can live on mission as believers to bring hope and light to the world as representatives of Jesus Christ.

All Aboard and Full Steam Ahead: Adulthood Here We Come

Thu, 06 Sep 2012 17:08:34 -0700

Two years ago, I was awkwardly picking up the man I would room with (little did I know, only for a far-too-short semester). If you know anything about me, my college career can be marked by roommate changes, housing changes, major changes, involvement, crushes, and diet changes.

It’s hard to wrap all these thoughts into a cohesive and clean blog, mainly because there is no way to wrap so much history and memories into a space that’s worth reading. With that being said, I found myself listening to Florence and the Machines while doing French homework – something James, my Sophomore Fall roommate, did on a regular basis. To say it took me back would be fair, to say it blasted me to another place is probably more descript.

(As a quick sidenote, despite the ups and downs James and I had, it’s amazing you can miss, appreciate, and love someone so much. James, hope you’re doing well!)

As hard as it is to believe that I’m actually entering my fourth and final year of Biola University, it’s actually more of a struggle thinking back past sophomore year than I thought it would be.

God has blessed me with so many friendships, lessons, and hardships; adventures, flings, and sunsets; experiences, opportunities, and education. I’m not sure if others feel this way, or have ever put it this way, but senior year is a misty haze.

It’s misty because my eyes tear up on a regular basis, because it feels like a fog every day I’m on campus knowing that we’re already ending Week 2 of Fall, and that it’s going to be balls to the walls from here on out.

It’s misty because the masses of new people on campus are unknown to me, and I probably won’t get to know them.

It’s misty because this is truly it. This is the end of any youthful transactions in my life, and from here on out it will be all aboard and full steam ahead on Matt Fier: Adult Life.

My hope and prayer is that this year is undeniably fantastic for everyone, but especially my fellow seniors. That we will allow ourselves to slow down, cry when we need to, laugh a little harder when we’re tired, and realize that this is a big blessing even when it is full of stress and deadlines.

To those who find their ring by spring, I pray God blesses them with wisdom (I had to slip it in there, right?). To those who don’t know what job they are going to apply for, I pray God provides patience. To those applying for Graduate/Law/Med School I pray for endurance.

I’m entering senior year just like I entered freshman year, with my head held high and tears streaming down my face, single (again had to throw it in, right?!), proud of my faith, fearful of my God, in love with Grace, and looking forward to this year of unknowns.

It’s a little easier than it was four years ago, but it’s all the more exciting, because I know I’m three years wiser, been through three more years of stupidity, and yet, Jesus loves me all the same.

I thank Him for that.

Brilliant at 14, Stupid at (Almost) 22: How Mission Changes Everything

Wed, 18 Jul 2012 20:58:47 -0700

When I was 14, I was brilliant. I knew the answers to the questions that mysterious women brought on. My life plan was soundly rooted in logic: become an NFL superstar, make money, marry a smoking good looking rich girl, go to church, and start some amazing non-prof that would serve others. If this failed, I’d go to college and become a college football star, and the rest would remain. I figured that by at least having a fallback plan, I was covered.

At (almost) 22, I see brilliance as foolish, ignorant, stupidity. I didn’t become an NFL star and didn’t even make it to the college level because I was limping out of my high school. I haven’t married rich, and turns out, when women find out your plan, they become even more mysterious (and elusive).

That being said, when I was 14, I was also brought to the City of Fullerton on a mission trip, staying downtown at a local church with 10 foot steel gate and an order not to traverse outside between the hours of 10pm-6am.

After that experience, and wondering what this abusively and abrasive orange thing in the sky was, I decided I would never move to Fullerton, much less Southern California, and I certainly would never like the beach, drunk college students, and being a missionary.

In God’s ever revealing sovereign way, at (almost) 22 years of age, I live in Fullerton. In fact, I live about .25 miles from that church. By the grace of God, I not only live in Southern California, but I love it too. Aside from the beach, Disneyland, and ever-prominent Mercedes SUVS, there’s actually a lot to love around here (slight bit of sarcasm both ways).

At the end of the day, I love how much this city (and region) needs Jesus, because it shows the epidemic that’s continuing to grow in this country and around the world: lack of men stepping up to be leaders, the growing affluence, the growing poverty, the gap between the two, and the selfishness of the “Me First Always” mentality.

As I sit on my deck, observing the traffic flow by BnB Donuts, I can’t help but thank God that this is my current calling: to live in Fullerton, to immerse myself in the deadly OC community, and to be on mission to my neighbors and neighborhood, which happens to be “crack-addict gang land” according to local officers (P.S, dad, if you’re reading this, don’t tell mom).

At church (Mars Hill Orange County), we have been talking a lot about our calling and what it means to live a life that leaves a lasting legacy and impact on our immediate surroundings. Jesus not only put us here, but He’s called us here as well. Ironic, right?

The best bit of wisdom comes from a man in my community group who said that “If you have a heart to be somewhere else but don’t have a heart for the people you’re currently with, you hate the very people God is calling you to right now.”

Those of you who know me know how hard it is for me to deal with people who don’t speak English and people who are snobby, rich, and over indulged in self-pleasure. I happen to live in the epitome of both.

The bottom line: the frustration I feel on a daily basis when I think about how thick headed these people must be to not live for Jesus gives me a picture of what God puts up with when I disobey Him or make mistakes that go away from the truth of the Gospel and to the lies of sin.

Paul writes that we are to “die to sin” (Rom. 6:1-14). Whether that’s a sin that we like to keep hidden in the darkest corners of our souls (porn, eating disorders, abusive relationships) or more present sins (road rage, bitterness, sarcasm), we are to die to those sins and live freed in Christ. To live in those sins is to be living in bondage and slavery to sin.

Realizing the depth of our sins is so great that it crucified Jesus, killed God on the cross, only makes us realize the magnitude, depth, and unending presence of grace through the resurrection and eternal presence of Christ.

As a result, aside from true joy, satisfaction, and sanctification in Christ, it helps us realize the importance to be on mission for the Kingdom. It’s easier to mentally (or verbally) judge and criticize the rude customer who orders a 32 oz. ice blended…it’s not easy to choose to let the Holy Spirit convict us and lead us to loving them.

One quick example: a woman was brutally short and rude with the staff at Coffee Bean at the beginning of this summer. Being paid to be friendly, I engaged the woman in conversation as I cleaned a table, and I won’t lie to you – it was 99% because I am paid to do so. What happened next was transforming, convicting, and life changing.

When explaining that her day was about to get worse, she lamented to me she was in her last week of chemotherapy before she got her next report on her cancer. She was embarrassed and ashamed of her disease – a disease that we don’t want to see anyone receive. She hid her short hair under a headband, and the deep lines of her face showed the stress had aged her beyond her 50-year-old body should allow.

I’m not paid to cry. But I did so.

The point of this is to say I failed at being on mission, and God used that moment to become a teaching moment of the Gospel. Who am I to judge why someone is rude to me? The selfishness alone in that statement is enough to make me scream at myself in anger.

Luckily for us, Jesus has already won this war. It’s up to us to live on mission daily for the battles we face as believers. The next time you get a grumpy customer or rude look when someone cuts you off, remember that they are made in the living image of God, and Jesus chose to die for them and you – so you wouldn’t have to.

Matthew is a senior at Biola University studying Psychology with a minor in Biblical Studies. For contact information, questions, comments, or to drop a line, click here.

Dating Jesus vs. Being On Mission: How to avoid missionary dating

Thu, 05 Jul 2012 15:35:46 -0700

The past year I have seen a good friend of mine go through trial (and error) with a relationship with a young man and its effects on her relationship with Jesus.

Her story, while unique, is something I have experienced, both personally and vicariously through others. In a nutshell, a long time friend of hers has been on and off with his pursuit of Jesus but has always been on in his pursuit of her.

While her younger self made promises to him that she would give him a chance if he got his act together and started loving, following, and pursuing Jesus, her growing sanctified self realized that it was a promise she couldn’t keep. This brought on a very difficult time telling him no, despite the fact he appears to be trying to be more like Jesus. By God’s grace, she understands her identity is in Jesus and the gift of salvation on the cross – not by man’s approval (Galatians 1:10-11) – and is patiently trusting this as she is belittled and her character attacked.

All together, my friend showed great faith and perseverance as she has succeeded in loving and reflecting Jesus, and pushing this young man to the cross.

That said I want to give a few thoughts of what I’ve seen other’s do in the same situation.

1. Be leery of people who start pursuing Jesus because of a member of the opposite sex.

While it seems obvious, it isn’t to most people. Too many (young) Christians challenge someone they are interested in to follow and love Jesus, hoping they do, hoping they can eventually date, fall in love, and get married.

As soon as the other person starts to show signs of new life, the relationships starts only to see that the roots weren’t set in good soil and instead were like seeds thrown on a rocky path (Luke 8:4-8).

This nearly always ends badly, normally with one or both people returning to habitual sin, often times together, and it leads to a broken relationship with Jesus.

2. Jesus Redeems Bad Motivators

While I am strongly against jump-starting a relationship when someone starts to pursue Jesus because of another (see point 1), that doesn’t mean Jesus can’t or won’t redeem it.

Jesus uses a plethora of inspirations to bring people to Him (Philippians 1:18). Personally, I am a living example of this. I started to attend Bible study and church regularly because of a young lady. I started to read my Bible out of competition to show her I loved Jesus too (I was 14, give me a break.) Healthy? No. Ordained in God’s plan? Amen.

Fast forward 9 years later and by the grace of God I am attending a Bible loving university, serving in a Jesus loving church, and passionately pursuing Jesus! That young lady is happily married and is a part of a family (which will grow hopefully soon?) that is all about Jesus.

If a person is saying they will start getting their act together for you, encourage them to do three things.

· First, help them find a different Jesus-loving church than you, and attend regularly on their own.

· Second, encourage them to find a mentor (1x1) in this church and make sure they are going.

· Third, watch and see if they get into a community group (or life group, core group, whatever the church calls it).

3. You’re Not Jesus

People always try to become replacement parts. As Pastor Mark Driscoll says in his Trial Serieswomen often times stick around with boys because their maternal instinct kicks in.

For men, often times our “Mr. Fix It” side kicks in. We try to become whatever they need – Replacement Dad, Mom, Brother, Sister, Pastor, Mentor, etc. At the end of the day, it’s really a worship issue. We worship them as our idol, and therefore we try to make ourselves their idol.

You aren’t Jesus nor can you replace real Jesus. Don’t try.

4. Pray, Pray, and Pray Some more.

This seems obvious, but one area that I saw my friend really excel in was her dedicated prayer to this young man. She always trusted that God’s will would be done even if it was against her desires.

Paul writes in 1 Thessalonians 5 that we should “pray without ceasing” and James the brother of Jesus adds that we should pray in all situations and pray over people in all situations (James 5:13-18).

Whether this is prayer on your knees or prayer spent time journaling to God, be encouraged that prayer works in our best interests (even if we do not see it that way).

Finally, as much as prayer is talking and telling God where we are at, people forget equally and perhaps more importantly is to listen to God’s response. One book I found extremely helpful for this and other disciplines of being a disciple is Celebration of Disciplineby Richard Foster.

5. Live on Mission

What is your inspiration for others to come to Christ? Is it so they will use their skill set to somehow benefit your church and ministry or is it because you deeply care for their soul and eternal situation?

If you’re motivation for someone to love Jesus is for your benefit (aka so you can date them) then you should probably check out of the game and have other Jesus loving people surround your friend.

If you’re motivation is for their soul and advancing the Kingdom of Christ, then stop playing the game and be smart. Jesus knew His own physical limitations in ministry (read Luke for countless examples). He constantly left his ministry to spend time alone. If you truly honestly believe Jesus is calling you to minister into someone of the opposite sex’s life, do it wisely and don’t be afraid to wander into the wilderness to recharge.

If it’s a guy, surround them with brothers you can trust. If it’s a girl, find Jesus-loving girls to surround her and show her what a Godly woman looks like.

Remember that ultimately it’s Jesus who brings real change, and you have a limitation emotionally, spiritually, and physically and that your role is ultimately smaller compared to people of the same gender.

Never grow weary in doing good (Gal. 6:9). Realize your limitations, realize your actual calling, and don’t be selfish. Simple enough, right?

Matthew is a senior at Biola University studying Psychology with a minor in Biblical Studies. For contact information, questions, comments, or to drop a line, click here.

5 Things I Learned from 500 Days of Summer

Sat, 30 Jun 2012 20:13:27 -0700

I hate watching movies twice. Very few movies make the cut of “films worth seeing twice” much less on a regular basis in my mind.

That being said, I love 500 Days of Summer. I’ve watched it numerous times, and each time, it becomes a little more thought provoking.

Summer is one of those movies that people love-to-love or hate-to-hate. Some enjoy its factual “reality” while hopeless romantics hate the fact that good ol’ Tom doesn’t get (spoiler…3 years later…) to marry Summer.

After watching the end of the movie, I thought I would write a really quick blurb on 5 Things I Learned from 500 Days of Summer. I’ll try to hold back the theological rhetoric, but I will of course look at it through a Gospel-lens, because as always, it’s all about Jesus.

1. “Look up.” – Tom.

Tom advises Summer to look up when they are traversing through downtown Los Angeles – something many city slickers forget to do. What she sees is breath taking architecture, a blend of cultures, and blue sky (must have rained the day before. #smog).

In terms of relationships, sometimes we get lost in our current situation. For those of you dating someone who has some issues and needs a lot of redemption through Christ, look up.

Dr. Muehlhoff, a communications professor at Biola University, once said that he hates to hear people say that they are sticking with their current significant other “because God has called me to love them no matter what.” Dr. Muehlhoff’s response? “NO! You aren’t called to love your boyfriend or girlfriend unconditionally, that’s saved for your spouse.”

Remember. Break ups are hard, but they are okay. Jesus redeems bad situations, and if you or the other (or both) need some time in counseling and mentorship before you date, that’s okay. Look up – there are better things if we follow God’s will.

2. “You must not have been looking.” – Autumn.

In an ironic and artistically well-done moment in the story, Autumn tells Tom she has seen him – but he has not seen her before. She responds by telling him he must not have been looking.

How many times do we do that in relationships? Most of the time, we spend our time looking in the wrong places – ourselves. We look for someone who fits our interests, our needs, our weaknesses, our strengths, our salary range, our league, etc.

What we don’t do is look – look at Jesus, look at the Kingdom, look where Jesus is calling us, and looking for the right spouse at the right time.

Start looking at Jesus and you’ll find the perfect spouse. Start looking (seeking) the Kingdom and passionately pursue Jesus and expanding your Christian family, and then God will provide you the vision for the right person at the right time.

3. “Most days of the year are unremarkable….most days have no impact on the course of life.” – Narrator.

Don’t let the relationship doldrums get to you. Obviously, there will be days with less excitement than others, days with arguments, days with rainy afternoons – that’s what happens when you bring two depraved beings together in relationship. Hence, the Bible talks a lot about “oneness” when a man leaves his father and mother to be joined with his wife. (Eph. 5:25-33)

However, if you and your boyfriend or girlfriend, fiancé or fiancée, or husband or wife are living on mission to advance and build the Kingdom, then every day has an impact on the course of life and for eternity.

Whether you work in a secular environment, ministry, or are a stay at home mom, your daily life has an impact on others. Every day is a chance to live out the journey to get to the destination, because indeed life is about the destinations – you’re either living a life that reflects Jesus and has a deep yearning for heaven, or your living a life that reflects sin and is plotting you to death for eternity in hell.

4. “I woke up one morning and I just knew…what I was never sure with you.” – Summer.

At this point in the movie, it’s anticlimactic yet powerfully profound. Summer never “knew” with Tom. Again, fighting the urge to argue that premarital sex, emotional baggage, and different expectations coupled with bad communication limits our ability to “know” if we are to be with someone, but I digress…

As human beings, we can only truly know one thing – God – and even that knowledge comes through faith, grace, and the power of the Holy Spirit. Without Jesus in our lives, we will be like Summer: lost, confused, and never sure of anything.

With grace and the power and presence of the Holy Spirit, we can know – through faith – and be sure “of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.” (Hebrews 11:1). Obviously, this is talking about salvation and the resurrection of Christ.

In relationships, I’d argue that faith in Christ can make a person sure of committing to another sinful and depraved person. That’s the beauty of love from and through Christ – we can love someone’s good as much as we love someone’s bad (their need for Christ).

We can wake up, and be sure that even though this person will never be perfect, that we will struggle at times, that we will argue and disagree at times, through grace and sanctification, we can be sure of our love for the other, and become one. Thumbs up for the longest run on sentence in history.

5. “I think you’re just remember the good stuff. Next time you look back, I think you should really look again.” – Rachel.

We like to swing two directions on the pendulum – remembering only the good (typically if we get dumped like Tom) or growing in bitterness and remembering only the bad. As Rachel advises Tom, we need to do both.

Tom looks back on his times with Summer, and sees past the good memories and the hopeless romantic moments to see that she had her pretty horrendous moments as well.

This won’t solve all problems or heal all wounds, and unlike Tom we probably won’t get the blessing of a random park encounter with our ex to provide a gut-wrenching quote of truth and honesty, but it helps.

By looking at both sides, we can enjoy the good memories and realize the growth from the process – growth that God ordained for us, and albeit that we normally stain all relationships with moments of sin, it’s by God’s grace that we live to see another day, and journey on hoping to be blessed by the gift of marriage…with that:

BONUS QUOTE:

6. “Hi, I’m Autumn.” – Autumn.

Jesus has a calling on your life, that calling will provide the perfect person, at the perfect time, for a perfect ministry together. Don’t forget to look for your Autumn, and Autumns, don’t forget to be willing to take a chance just like Autumn did on Tom.

Matthew is a senior at Biola University studying Psychology with a minor in Biblical Studies. For contact information, questions, comments, or to drop a line, click here.

The Underground, Biola, and What Homosexuality Means to Today's Church

Sat, 19 May 2012 19:37:00 -0700

EDITORS NOTE:

The past few weeks have been rather stormy at Biola University to say the least.

Everyone who attends this university is aware of the situation at hand, but for those who don’t know what happened, I’ll briefly cover the situation before going into this blog.

A few weeks ago, a group came forward anonymously, calling themselves “Biola Underground.” While claiming that they are students, staff, and faculty from Biola, they also state that the group is not claiming affiliation with the university itself.

They have come forward, as Lesbians, Gays, Bisexuals, Transgender, and Queers, desiring to have acceptance and to some degree, equality amongst students. They want the freedom to be open about their lifestyles and choice of sexuality.

Until Friday, Biola had no official announcement other than claiming that it is a serious matter and they wanted to think through all aspects before making a statement.

On Friday, Dr. Barry Corey, our university president, spoke at chapel. While I wasn’t there personally, I heard he openly defended the school’s stance against homosexuality, as our school’s beliefs with the Bible align with a position against it.

I commend DBC for his words, and I look forward to watching the video myself – I will post it as soon as it is made available.

As a person who grew up in the ultra-liberal city of Portland, Ore., I was exposed to the issues of homosexuality early, know many homosexuals personally, and have witnessed the churches in Portland handle the issue both with grace, conviction, and truth as well as bitterness, hate, and shame.

This has provided insight and perspective, and I hope this blog provides both to you, the reader, as we wrestle through this issue together.

*******************************************************************

When it comes to any controversial issue of society, I believe that as Christians, we must ask three vital questions in order to properly evaluate where we should stand with our opinions on it.

1. What does the Bible, and subsequently the creator God and his son, Jesus, say?

2. How do we react in light of biblical-truth as Christians, as a church, and as people living in the world but not of it?

3. What should our actions be towards those who do not agree?

These questions are baseline, pivotal, and should lead us in our processing and decision making over hot topics within the church. If we don’t start here, we don’t start anywhere. It starts with God, his Word, and the church, and ends with Jesus, the cross, and the Gospel message.

I will divide this into two portions, first talking to homosexuals and about homosexuality, and secondly to Christians, my peers at Biola, and what I think we should do as believers.

To the Underground

First, I commend you for bravery for writing, posting, and stepping out with a convicted voice over this issue. You’re right – as a church, university, and believers, we have failed to make your voice known and have failed to be open to conversations over this controversial and heavy topic.

Being taught in Psychology and haven taken many steps in readings of research, I want to first say that I agree with you on some crucial points: God does not make mistakes, there is evidence homosexuality is part of humanity and not as much of a choice as believers argue, and that although many have tried, sometimes you can’t change your desires.

I hope that those reading understand that I’m very open when it comes to this discussion – I want all people to be pushed towards Jesus, the Cross, and His gospel message. I desire all to be freed in Christ, to spend eternity with Him, and to live a life that allows them to flourish for the Kingdom.

Many people are arguing that the fundamental issue is that the Underground has not admitted wrong or come forward with repentance and that it needs to be addressed as a sin issue (more on this later). This too, is true.

What does the Bible say about homosexuality?

The Bible is littered with passages on homosexuality including many passages from the Old Testament (Gen 19:5, Lev. 18:22, 20:13) and how it led to destruction (Sodom and Gomorrah). Genesis 2:24 explicitly states that God created man to be with woman,that he would leave home and his family to be joined with her.

In the New Testament, Paul writes explicitly in Romans about homosexuality, stating “For this reason God gave them up to dishonorable passions. For their women exchanged natural relations for those that are contrary to nature; and the men likewise gave up natural relations with women and were consumed with passion for one another, men committing shameless acts with men and receiving in themselves the due penalty for their error” (Rom. 1:26-27).

These are arguments in scripture that very openly state that homosexuality is not natural, that God considers it an abomination and sin, and that if we are to believe and follow Christ we must “put to death the deeds of the body” (Rom. 8:13).

The Bible, and God, very openly states that homosexuality is a sin. So, what do we do with that knowledge?

First, if you truly want to be in communion with Christ, you must first admit that homosexual desires are not natural, and actions because of the desires are sinful. Just like premarital sex, lust, pride (more on this later), and legalism, it’s a sin we must put to death in order to live with Christ.

I’m not stating that if you become a believer, you’re biological DNA will morph and you will be a heterosexual. Albeit, there are cases and stories where individuals found Christ, put their sins to death, and move on to become married and have a family – but I’m not saying that you must follow the same path.

Much like a man who needs to die to his lustful desires everyday, or someone who struggles with judgmental pride, sin is sin, and we must die to it. God didn’t necessarily intend for you to be homosexual, as he doesn’t intend people to be prone to pornography and lust, but yes, part of who you are may be that your DNA is wired for homosexuality.

However, I know that it won’t be an easy journey. We do need to be open as a campus to this discussion. For homosexuals, be filled with grace and love that you may discover truth through scriptures and know Jesus. Be willing to talk about truth from a biblical standpoint, and be willing to accept what God says as truth. That’s your responsibility as an individual within the homosexual community-seeking acceptance from the church.

After reading through you’re website, there are no biblical claims to why you think homosexuality is not a sin. I would love to read your thoughts and have subsequent biblical proof. My fear is that, like many issues in the church, we as humans are prone to manipulate scripture into something we want it to be, instead of taking it is as truth for what it says.

Now onto the “fun” stuff.

To Biola University Students (and some staff and faculty):

How do we react in light of biblical-truth as Christians, as a church, and as people living in the world but not of it?

Answer: not as most of you have.

The past few weeks have become a mudslinging battle. When uncomfortable topics are brought up, the worst comes out in Christians. We tend to either run and hide (sins of omission) or go on the offensive and belittle, destroy, and condemn those living with sins (sins of commission). To say that I am embarrassed, hurt, and disappointed in fellow Biola students is an understatement.

Yes, homosexuality is a sin as I just stated above. Yes, The Underground did not come out with a heart of repentance. Yes, Biola University stands on Bible and it’s doctrines. Yes. Yes. Yes.

The immediate scripture that comes to mind is Matthew 12:34 when Jesus lashes out against the scribes and the Pharisees, “You brood of vipers! How can you speak good, when you are evil? For out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks.”

The hearts of many were exposed the past few weeks, and those hearts are full of ignorance, hate, and anger.

How can we expect to take a progressive lead in discussions on homosexuality when we are condemning them to hell, as if it is our job and not God’s?

Refresh my memory, but if you’re story is anything like mine and those in the church, Christ met you where you were, not where you are now.

By God’s grace, I was brought into salvation when I was 14 as a young man who was suicidal, addicted to pain medications, and whose pride and lust reeked from my soul. It hasn’t been the easiest journey, but it’s been a beautiful one of sanctification and God’s grace.

If you forget this, you forget and reject the message of the Gospel – Christ came to save sinners like us and bring us into redemption (1 Tim. 1:15).

We cannot expect homosexuals to be willing to talk if we are taking the role of the Creator to condemn His creation.

Yes, stand upon moral and scriptural convictions.

Yes, the homosexual community (if they want to live in communion with Christ) must recognize homosexuality as a sin.

Yes, God hates all sin.

But most importantly, God loves His people and His creation so much so that He sent his Son to die on a cross (Jn. 3:16 if anyone needs it…).

So, what should our actions be towards those who do not agree?

1. Be loving. Don’t condemn sinners to hell because that’s not your job. You’re calling is to passionately pursue Jesus, seek the Kingdom, and make disciples and plant churches.

2. Be grace filled. Don’t come out lashing in anger and hate, or even blunt truth, conviction, and correction if you’re heart isn’t first filled with a burning passion, love, and sadness over the sin of our student body (all sins, not just homosexuality). A hard heart with soft answers does more damage than good. A soft heart with hard answers is accepted as genuine, because it comes from a source of love and care.

3. Be willing to talk, and do you’re homework. Don’t blindly argue with stale old biblical points and cliché sayings, “It’s a choice not the way you are born!” – Read up on psych articles, including articles by Christians who are smarter and wiser than you, before you make a stand.

Finally, reflect Jesus. Our goal, mission, and passion should be that we push people to Jesus and the Gospel message of the cross. Are you doing this by ridiculing or making fun of The Underground?

Realize that this is a conversation that is going to take place whether we like it or not and we have two options: make it better or make it bitter (Pastor Mark shout out.)

Just as with all sins, we need discipleship, training, love, grace, and Jesus to overcome it. We can not just sweep it under the rug anymore.

I have one more challenge, and that’s that you pray. Pray unceasing, pray for homosexuals, pray for the sins of our university and our churches, and most importantly, pray God takes charge of your heart. You may find, that you too do not know Jesus or are not walking with him.

Matthew is a senior at Biola University. Originally from Portland, Ore., he has resided in Los Angeles for the past three years. For more information or for questions, you can contact him via email and you can follow him on Twitter (@mattfier).

The purpose, mission, and goal of this blog is to provide perspective to Christians and push people towards Jesus and the Gospel message of the cross.

Sexual Assault and a Christian College: Why We Are Not Exempt and How Jesus Heals

Mon, 23 Apr 2012 22:43:25 -0700

A few months ago, I had the chance to meet with a woman and fellow Biola student over coffee. While on the one hand, I was excited to catch up with a woman who had grown in her faith tremendously – from what I would argue was nonexistent to someone who was really searching for real Peace and Hope. On the other hand, I wanted to apologize for some of my actions that occurred with her during my rebellious and sinful time early on in my Biola career.

Everything went extremely well and it was a time of healing and forgiveness for both of us.

However, what I didn’t expect was to hear that during her freshman year of college, she was date raped by a fellow Biola student. By God’s grace, she is healing and is processing what it means to search for real Jesus. My hope and prayer is that she finds His all-encompassing love and redeeming power in her life.

I write this in wake up of this week’s Sexual Violence Awareness campaign on our campus. I love it. It’s an important conversation to start, continue, and immerse ourselves in on a continual basis, because it’s a taboo topic that needs to be brought into Gospel and Truth driven light.

This post is a follow up to my previous post on Depression, Porn, and Sexual Assault. While the first post was thoughts on how we as students and student-leaders should act and react, this post is to be more focused on the message of the Cross and the immense power of redemption that can take place because of Jesus Christ’s sacrifice and resurrection.

According to Dr. Justin S. Holcomb and his wife Lindsey, who put together an extensive book on this very topic titled, Rid of My Disgrace, 1 in 4 women and 1 in 6 men will be sexually assaulted in their lifetime.

Although descriptions vary, I will use the Holcomb’s definition of sexual assault, which is fairly broad, so that we don’t minimize those who experience it.

Dr. Holcomb says that:

“Our definition of sexual assault is any type of sexual behavior or contact where consent is not freely given or obtained and is accomplished through force, intimidation, violence, coercion, manipulation, threat, deception, or abuse of authority. This definition gets beyond our society’s narrow understanding of the issue and expands the spectrum of actions to be considered sexual assault.”

Breaking down the numbers the Holcomb’s’ put together or referenced is astounding, heart breaking, infuriating, and if you call yourself a follower of Christ, should light a burning fire in your heart to help these victims.

To quote my previous blog, here is a rundown.

· Every 2 minutes someone in the US is sexually assaulted.

· 17% (or 1/6) men and 25% (1/4) women are or will be victims of sexual assault in their lifetime.

· 90% of young women involved in prostitution (or porn, adult entertainment, etc.) were sexually abused as children.

· 80% of victims are assaulted by a known acquaintance.

· 80% of victims are under 30.

· Only 5-20% of assaults are actually reported.

My heart is grieved when I reread these stats. We’re facing an epidemic – and without resolution. If we break this down, that means anywhere from 750-900 students are sexual assault victims on our campus.

I took the liberty to break it down into terms for Biola students to really comprehend the staggering effect of sexual assault and how it reaches our campus:

If you take a floor of 60 girls in a dorm, 15 are assault victims.

On a floor of 60 guys, 10 are victims.

If you add them up, in a dorm relative to the size of Horton, there are 90 women and 40 men who have been sexually assaulted in one dormitory alone.

I would like to dedicate the next two portions of this blog to those who have been sexually assaulted, and then the men and women on Biola’s campus.

To those who have been sexually assaulted:

First of all, I am sorry.

What you have gone through isn’t a reflection of who you are, it doesn’t need to be your identity, and you have the every right to come and shed light into your past if you haven’t already done so.

You experienced one of the greatest injustices in the world, and an injustice that isn’t spoken about or talked about enough.

But:

· You have nothing to be ashamed about.

· You are loved and cared about by many around you.

· There are ways to get helped – to those who are carrying it from their past and to those who are still being sexually assaulted in this very moment.

Most importantly, God not only cares for and loves you, but he also knows your very pain and experienced your very suffering.

Hebrews 4: 14-16 says, “…For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin. Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.”

When Jesus was sent to live on this earth in the form of man, He did it with one agenda: to save this world from their depravity and to provide the ultimate justice, peace, hope, and love by the all redemptive work of His death on the cross and His resurrection from the tomb.

That’s the Gospel message. When Christ was put on the Cross, the sins of the world’s history to come was put upon Him.

You were sinned against. Whether it was sins of omission, by a father who didn’t do anything, as Jacob sat on the sidelines and gave up his own daughter (Gen. 34), or sins of commissions as someone acted against you, you were sinned against. And while you are not necessarily to blame for this sin, because sin affects everyone one our souls, it has a strong effect on you.

But know that Christ suffered so that you may be redeemed.

1 John 4:10 says, “In this love, not that we loved God, but that He loved us, and sent His Son to be the propitiation for our sins.”

God mourns for you and with you. If you are a follower of Christ, God has already given you Himself through the Holy Spirit to be continually sanctified in this process that you might be healed.

In Romans 8:26, Paul writes, “Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groaning too deep for words.”

I plea with you to pursue grace, truth, and the redemptive work of the cross with a fervor and passion your soul has never before longed for. That you no longer hide behind this identity of pain and brokenness; that you seek – and find – justice by and through Christ’s ultimate sacrifice, and that you can find His grace is sufficient in all things, as Paul writes in 2 Corinthians 12:9.

I have one recommendation for you as you journey through this process:

Buy a journal. Write out your sexual past including sexual acts you’ve committed to consensually and sexual acts that were committed against you sinfully. From your earliest memories – as some of you reading this were sexually assaulted as early as your time in diapers – to the things going on in your life right now. It could take hours, days, weeks, months, and I guarantee it will take more than a few boxes of tissues, but it’s worth it.

For more resources on the evidence of God’s grace, love, and understanding, please check out Rid of My Disgrace ($15 on Amazon).

One Final Note:

To those that don’t believe this is a subject to be broached by chapels and events, that this is to be kept in the confines of the church or counselors office, or that it doesn’t affect our campus.

You’re wrong, and I will go as far to say by hindering the healing process of the Gospel, you are acting out in a selfish and sinful way by desiring to sidestep the conversation all together. Never limit the work of the Cross and understand that as hard as it is to admit, Biola students are not exempt to sin and there are certainly a percentage of students who do not know real Jesus on our campus.

We have an epidemic of sinful desires at our school, that I know both vicariously and first hand. We have students clubbing, doing drugs, drinking alcohol, watching porn, and being sexually active on campus – and may I add, this doesn’t even begin to touch the subject on homosexuality.

Yes, there have been people caught (and not caught) drinking or doing drugs on our campus.

Yes, there have been people caught (and not caught) having sex within our campus confines.

I have heard stories of students engaging in sexual acts with roommates present. I have heard stories of date rape. I have heard stories of students struggling with homosexuality and roping their friends into experimenting with it.

I have heard these stories from the students themselves. From their RA’s. From student leaders and staff members.

It is a problem, and it’s one we need to address.

One Final (Final) Note:

Men:

Don’t be stupid. Don’t act like you believe in this subject, act as if you will protect your sisters, and go back to your dorm room to watch porn.

Don’t go to clubs or certain dances that I don’t even need to name and grind up on some girl because you either don’t know her, or you know she’s “down,” or she goes to another school. You’re objectifying them, most of them either Christians or in desperate need of Him (as we all are), and you will most likely go home and finish off your “needs” if you don’t “get some” there.

Don’t raise your hands in worship if you’re feeling up under your girlfriend’s clothes in the car before. Don’t share your theological “wisdom” in class and then go and try to convince a girl to send you pictures from her phone.

First of all, if you think I’m being extreme. I’m not – I know guys personally who have done or still do these things. Second of all, before I started committing all aspects of my life to Christ, I was guilty of many of these things to some degree or another. And I promise you this – it’s an identity issue that normally finds its roots from insecurity, pride, and lust.

Women:

You too need some encouragement. I want to encourage you to find your fulfillment and sense of identity in Christ and not in the ways of the world.

You don’t need to sell yourself short and become a PG-13 version of Girls Gone Wild on the dance floor (and sometimes worse) to find validation from men. Dr. Barry Corey covered that today, and so I encourage you to watch that video when it becomes available this week.

If objectifying yourself is what makes the man you want or are currently dating happy with you, he’s not a man. He’s a little boy. If you continue to let yourself be objectified by these boys, you will find yourself in an abusive relationship (either physical, emotional, or both), and one that statistically speaking, leads to divorce.

Please know that God sent His Son to be beaten while blindfolded, flogged, and crucified on a cross (to be raised from the dead of course!) for you, so that you can be rooted in His love, mercy, grace, and tenderheartedness.

If a man is telling you that your heart for Christ isn’t enough – that you must sell yourself for the sake of “love” then that man doesn’t love Jesus and that man wants to be your Jesus.

Find women who love Jesus who are smarter and wiser than you, who have perhaps journeyed through this. Find a community group in your church for starters, and perhaps approach a Biola professor for someone they have in mind (if it’s a woman, maybe it can be them, and if it’s a man, perhaps his wife!).

He himself bore our sins in his body on the tree, that we might die to sin and live to righteousness. By his wounds you have been healed. For you were straying like sheep, but have now returned to the Shepherd and Overseer of your souls.

(1 Peter 2:24-25 ESV)

Know that I’m filled (as are many) with a compassionate love and care for you and your pain, and I would love to either connect with you or provide someone trustworthy that you can connect with, whether it’s in La Mirada or around the globe. Feel free to email me and I will provide resources and contacts for you!

6 Things about Singleness I Learned from Real Marriage | Mars Hill Church

Fri, 30 Mar 2012 00:09:38 -0700

6 Things about Singleness I Learned from Real Marriage | Mars Hill Church:

A great post by Deacon Katie on lessons singles can learn from Real Marriage

Never Say Never: Why Jesus Agrees with Justin Bieber

Wed, 28 Mar 2012 12:36:56 -0700

Never Say Never – Why Jesus Agrees With Justin Bieber

Bible schools are stereotyped to be places to become pastors and places to become pastors’ wives.

There’s no way around the fact. But wait, before you roll your eyes and think that I’m about to strum on the same old six-string chords of love, I’ll ruin the suspense: it’s not about dating. (Editor’s note: we’re aware that about half our readers just exited the page and logged back into Facebook.)

However, there is a slightly new and upcoming trend – and perhaps I’m just seeing it for the first time, perhaps it comes with age, or whatever the case – to revolt from that pattern and declare independence.

While the number is still few compared to those who are dying to date and get married, and after all, it is (ring by) spring time, there is a faint scream from people who don’t want to get married, or at least claim they don’t want to date.

Though I tend to fall into the “hopeless romantic” spectrum of feelings, intellectually and selfishly I catapult back over to the “bachelor to the rapture” side of the conversation.

As I’ve wrestled through this conversation with quite a few people, these are generally the responses and reasoning behind staying single:

“Marriage just seems difficult, and come on, I can do more for the kingdom as a single loving Jesus.”

“I like having my friends and freedom – marriage seems like an old ball and chain.”

“I’ve kept my standards and lived up to them – most people haven’t – so I don’t think I can ever find someone who can live up to the same standard.”

“I dated seriously, it didn’t work out, and it really hurt. Why go through that again when I have Jesus?”

“Girls are confusing.”

“Men are confusing.”

“It would be a financial burden on me.”

The list goes on and on. The striking thing about these responses, is that it always start off with an I statement, usually about how good that individual is, followed by a they statement, explaining what a burden the other person would be.

While I’m going to attack this ideal of the word never, I want to be clear about something – it goes much farther than dating and marriage. How many of us have heard the following:

“I’m never going to be a missionary. Period.”

“I’ll never watch porn.”

“I’ll never have sex outside of marriage.”

“I’ll never get drunk.”

“I’ll never watch The Bachelor.” (Guilty.)

There are some fundamental root issues within “Never” statements that all relate to identity issues and sin issues in a person’s heart. I’ll cover a few.

1. Pride: With all of these examples, the root of the sentence is all about the individual: Who I am, what I can do, where I will go, what I have done, my strengths, my abilities, my desires.

As I mentioned before, the justification of the reasoning is blamed on other: Who they are, what they do, where they are going, what they have done, theirweaknesses, their faults, their (evil) desires.

These statements are usually said with a demeaning and condescending heart towards others.

2. Insecurities/Worry: The second thing that jumps out about these “never” statements is the insecurities. Usually, after placing blame on someone or something else, they start to justify themselves by using excuses.

“I would be a pastor, but what about money?”

“I wouldn’t have gotten drunk, but I was tired.”

Ultimately, many of these “never” ideologies are really cover ups for fears and insecurities about the unknown. Sure, you actually do want to get married, but the fears of learning to be selfless, not knowing if you will be a good husband or wife, worrying that you will become another statistic, all lead you to the reactionary response of “I’m never getting married.”

You would go work for a nonprofit, you know that’s what God is calling you to, but ultimately $60,000 of debt is a lot of money and being in ministry won’t exactly pay it off quickly.

On the flip side, you could say, “I wanted to be a photographer, but I’ll never be as good as her” or “I wanted to be a business major, but I’m not as competitive or experienced as others!”

This is all simply worry and anxiety!

3. Idol Worship: We sing a song at church that proclaims, “Turn from your statues and idols made of gold. Rise from your knees, stop worshipping, the splinters of broken gods, turn and see your King!”

I love that imagery because it’s first scriptural and second it addresses one of the very roots of our sinful nature. “Never” statements are really revelations about the idols in our heart.

We would do ________, but really, we love our situation or ourselves more. Move out of state for college? Sure, but my girlfriend can’t move with me. Go to seminary? Sure, but being a psychologist pays more. Give up Starbucks every day for a month and give that extra money to a couple in my community group? No thanks, coffee is what I need to get through the day.

Idols of people, idols of money, idols of “needs”, idols of self.

At the end of the day, idol worship leads to “Never” statements, because “Never” statements are about us – what we can or can’t be, what we will or will not do, what we want or don’t want, and not about Jesus. Idol worship is all about us, and trying to make the created greater than the creator.

So, as with everything, let’s look at Jesus and the Cross and see what the Bible has to say.

What Jesus says about pride:

In Luke 9, the disciples are arguing about who the greatest among them is. Sidenote, if you and your friends are ever wondering the same thing, it doesn’t really matter, because all of are terrible in light of Jesus.

Jesus’ response? “Whoever receives this child in my name receives me, and whoever receives me receives him who sent me. For he who is least among you all is one who is great.” (9:46-48).

While I want to stray away from the topic of how becoming last doesn’t mean becoming some person hell-bent on making sure “he is the least of these,” I do want to point out Jesus is making this point to direct us towards Him and being servant hearts. In the majesty of who He is, we are all last. None of us compare. But, there is hope. By modeling our lives after His servant-hearted life, together, we can enter the Kingdom redeemed, justified, and in that sense, first!

Also see Mark 7:14-23 and Proverbs for more on pride – specifically Proverbs 16.

What Jesus says about insecurities and worry:

“Therefore, I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing?” Matthew 6:25.

What I love about this passage is that it actually connects to idols – pleasures, image, and monetary items – but more on that in a minute. Jesus calls us to live in the here and now. I tell my football players that all the time, that we need to be, “right here, right now.”

If we start living parenthetically (Dr. Thoennes alert), we start missing things. If all we do is focus on Easter Break, we will miss Good Friday, some key notes in class, and probably start zoning out from our quality friendships. If we only focus on frozen yogurt, then we could miss the wonderful strawberries at The Caf. If all we do is focus on the resurrection, and not Jesus’ birth and humanity, we miss one of the most crucial parts of the gospel. If we only think about eternity, we will miss the opportunity to bring people to Christ to celebrate with us in eternity.

So, as Jesus says, stop! Continue to seek Jesus, expand the kingdom, and look to what He is calling you to right this very moment. If you’re a student, then study. If you’re a husband or wife, then don’t just be a good husband or wife, but flourish in doing so and make your spouse see Jesus in a deeper way. if you’re a barista, make the best latte for the worst customer for the glory of God. Get the point? Good.

What Jesus says about idols:

“And a ruler asked him, “Good Teacher, what must I do to inherit eternal life?” And Jesus said to him, “…You know the commandments: ‘Do not commit adultery, Do not murder, Do not steal, Do not bear false witness, Honor your father and mother.’” And he said, “All these I have kept from my youth.” And Jesus heard this, he said to him, “One thing you still lack. Sell all that you have and distribute to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven; and come, follow me.” But when he heard these things, he became very sad, for he was extremely rich. (Luke 18:18-23).

Most pastors use this passage as way to show how difficult it is to give up money for Jesus. Yes, this is true. However, there is more. This man has an identity issue wrapped up in what he did, does, and can do. He is wealthy, probably respected, and he knows it.

His idol is himself.

Jesus calls us to lay down our idols, pick up our cross, and follow him (Luke 9:23). The earthly cost can be extremely painful.

For those that are well off, giving up a large portion of your income, shrinking down on your lifestyle, and doing it cheerfully can be hard. For those that are popular but don’t talk about Jesus to your friends because of losing their stature, then yes, being persecuted isn’t exactly a fun thing.

Picking up cross isn’t painless. Ask Jesus. But it’s worth the cost here on earth in order that we may hear, “Well done, good and faithful servant.”

So instead of claiming that you need that Mocha Frap and a few hours of sleep instead of church, I challenge you to rethink your heart and your identity.

As my pastor once told me, we should be thankful Jesus didn’t look at the sun on the day of crucifixion and say, “You know what, I think I’ll pass on this. I could use some more time in the garden instead of this whole crucified thing.”

Jesus calls us to live sacrificially, not comfortably, he calls us to serve, not consume, and he calls us to flourish, not just live life contently.

So, instead of claiming you’ll be celibate, sober, rich, and comfortable, try to adapt to the idea that God calls us to uncomfortable situations in the least to stretch us, mold us, grow us, and help us flourish.

Stop claiming what you can do, and start proclaiming what Jesus has done, is doing, and will do.

To those who think marriage will be hard: Yes. Duh. No kidding. But after witnessing my parents and couples at church grow together, reflect Jesus to each other, and serve the Kingdom, it certainly can portray Jesus’ marriage to the church and to us in a new light.

To those who don’t want to go into ministry because you have debt will provide. Yeah, you’re going to have debt. Have faith too.

To those who think they have abilities, talents, and control: you don’t. Jesus does. We’re all warped and tainted – more like consumed – by our sinful and depraved nature. Jesus came to claim us from that.

Jesus redeems us. Jesus loves us. Jesus saves.

It’s all about Jesus.

Editors Note: For more on these subjects check out the following podcasts from Reality L.A and Solid Rock Church (Portland, Ore.).

Tim Chaddick, The Help We Need

John Mark Comer, The Art of Yes + No

Solid Rock Church (Guest Pastor, Acts 29): Missional Living in Community

The purpose of this blog is to push people towards the cross, to see and seek Jesus more passionately, and to encourage people to push the Kingdom. For contact information, check out the links on the right.

"It’s sad that the city of Denver will be losing a man as giving and selfless as Tebow, who..."

Tue, 20 Mar 2012 15:05:41 -0700

“It’s sad that the city of Denver will be losing a man as giving and selfless as Tebow, who spent more time in Denver hospitals than the Vicodin rep. Then again, Denver is getting a man who has a children’s hospital in Indianapolis named after him.”

- I love Rick Reilly. Man is ALWAYS putting stuff into perspective. Manning is a Christian too…ironic…and, Christians are going to be pissed that a Christian got replaced…oh wait. Let’s put down our idols.

Elway lands Manning - ESPN

Leaving a Legacy, Trusting Jesus, and Frodo Baggins: Why Being Disqualified is a Great Thing

Mon, 19 Mar 2012 12:36:19 -0700

To my wonderful friends:

Wow, what an exhilarating ride.

From the very beginning, I told Ann Marie the following.

1. We weren’t going to care about what everyone else was doing – we would worry about ourselves.

2. We would take the high road, not participating in mud slinging and if anything from our (specifically my) past came up, we would use it to point people to Jesus.

3. We needed to realize that the lessons and experiences weren’t going to come from winning the election, but instead the journey up until the election.

In hindsight, I’m humbled, by God’s grace, to say that all three proved to speak volumes of truth into our lives.

The Facts:

I tweet a lot. This time it cost much more than a few people getting angry at me.

Rick Warren (@rickwarren) tweeted and said to shoot him any prayer requests. Without thinking, I responded that I was running for AS President, I tagged Biola, mentioned other capable leaders were also running, and asked for wisdom and humble hearts.

That’s it. I didn’t tell people to vote for me, I didn’t campaign, but I did break a rule.

I need to stress that it was a complete accident, a simple but monumental mistake, and it cost us a chance at the election. I didn’t do it from a heart of cheating or trying to sway votes. Trust me, as the AS Election Board agreed, one tweet wouldn’t sway an election of 4,000 undergraduate students.

My Heart:

As I said above, I take complete and utter responsibility. I tweeted, I broke a rule, and I am at full fault.

When I got the call from AS, I felt terrible.

First, I felt immense stupidity for doing something so careless.

Second, I felt like I just lost the election.

Third, I felt like I let everyone down, starting with Ann Marie and leading to you guys. So many people put in so many hours of hard work, prayer, and time into our campaign, and with 140 characters, I completely threw it away.

I spent time on the phone with my parents, first throwing up dinner from the stress (sorry for the visual) and secondly weeping for you guys. We wanted to do a good work for Christ and His kingdom at this school reaching the lost, and I felt that we let a lot of people down in doing so.

I am extremely sorry. Words cannot express my deep and honest sorrow for letting you guys down. Each of you has played an integral part in my life during the last three years, and I was running first to serve Jesus and second to honor my friends. Because of this, my heart aches. It wasn’t about winning, but serving, and I’m sorry that I wasn’t able to fully serve you guys to my fullest ability.

How Jesus Redeems:

“Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall.” Proverbs 16:18.

Ironically, this was straight out of our campaign “chapter of scripture.” And it proved to be very true. This was a humbling experience, and I want to apologize for my arrogant and proud self.

However, I can tell you this – Jesus redeems us. After our meeting with the election committee, where I basically laid out what I am writing to you, I was filled with immense peace. Just as I told Ann Marie that it would be the journey and not the results that would provide lessons, God showed revealed a lot about His character and mine.

He showed me my depraved nature in a very applicable and tangible way. My proud and arrogant beliefs about myself reeked from my soul throughout this process. Much like Frodo in Lord of the Rings, I was beginning to love my biggest enemy.

For that, I want to apologize. At times, I know I have let my pride overrun who I am. I have worked hard to be exposed in community at church, Biola, and by Jesus. This time, I was full of myself, and although many of you might not have noticed, many did, and thank you for pointing it out and helping me seek Jesus in a deeper way.

What’s next:

“As for you, brothers, do not grow weary in doing good.” 2 Thessalonians 3:13

Keep desiring, pursuing, and exploring righteousness and holiness.

I’m supporting Chris Yim and Laura in their bid for presidency. Getting to know Chris and already having known Laura, I trust their character, heart for Jesus, and believe they will be the best team to lead this campus back to a heart for the Gospel message of Christ.

I don’t know what God has in store for me, but for one of the first times in my life, I’m very at peace about it. I plan to explore my options in AS and SMU, as well as at returning to coaching football.

I ask for your prayer, for myself, Ann Marie, and the teams still going through the election process.

Please vote for whomever you feel the Holy Spirit is leading you to. This is still important. Be active and involved, and make a difference.

As a final note, I want to stress this:

My mistake was stupid. But it’s a great opportunity to point people to Jesus, share the gospel message of grace, and leave a legacy for His Kingdom.

If you believed in our campaign, you simply believed in two people wanting to love Jesus more deeply, intensely, and bringing people up to speed on the vision of leaving a legacy. We can still do that together, not as AS President and VP, but as always, brothers and sisters who want to bring redemption to this world.

Thank you.

In love, peace, and grace,

Matthew Fier

“Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.” Philippians 4:8.

"This might be the beginning of something better. Might be the end of everything good. But before we..."

Thu, 08 Mar 2012 12:26:54 -0800

“This might be the beginning of something better. Might be the end of everything good. But before we slog into what happens next, where you’ll go, what you’ll do, we owe you a thank you for what you’ve done and who you’ve been.”

- Beautiful.

Thanks for the memories Peyton Manning - ESPN

Depression, Sexual Assault, and Porn - What We Need to Do As Leaders

Mon, 05 Mar 2012 20:49:06 -0800

There is no easy way to get into this subject. I want to keep it concise, to the point, and pointed. The stats I will provide you will be heavy, painful, and thought provoking. I am writing this blog to fellow believers, leaders, and hope that it points people to Jesus and helps us process what’s going on in our direct ministries and communities, taking us from the broad spectrum we all focus on into a directed and specific discussion on how we can be pursuing our communities with deeper love and conviction.

I wanted to first cover some “pre-reqs” to reading this blog.

1. People sometimes ask me from what authority I speak from, or what gives me authority to “preach” to people. I hope that most of you see it from a heart that loves Jesus and wants fellow Christians to be awakened from sleepiness, as well as encourage and push fellow leaders to think deeper and love more intentionally.

2. I have held a variety of positions in leadership (and non-leadership positions) over the last three years at Biola University. That includes stints with student government, assisting ResLife, working with University Communications and Marketing, coaching high school football, and being trained to lead some ministries at Mars Hill Church Orange County.

I have not always been the designated leader, but I believe we are called to lead at different times.Here is an article by Time Magazine on Leadership Principles from Nelson Mandela.

3. Jesus is the ultimate leader and authority. I want to remind you that these topics will be heavy and hard to process. Pray and seek truth from Jesus on how you can utilize this knowledge to impact the world for His kingdom.

With the recent announcement of new RA’s at Biola University, I had the privilege to meet with a future Hope South leader over FroYo (Yogurtland for the win). We were able to discuss the process of being hired, the hardships of being an RA, the fears and hopes she had, and some advice I had from being involved (although not an RA) with ResLife and from being close friends with many RA’s who have expressed their discontent or frustration over the last three years, with how hard it is to be an RA and how there is a growing disconnect with being able to do their duties and not burn out.

If you haven’t checked out my latest blog on friendships, I highly recommend you do so. It will give you a foundation on my beliefs about leadership and community, and whether you disagree or agree, this blog won’t make much sense without it.

1. In any leadership position, but especially as an RA, we’re called to connect with our team, floor, crew, group, etc., in a deep and meaningful way.

This can be extremely hard if we don’t redefine “friendships.”

If we look at that calling and think that we have to be friends or even best friends with everyone in leadership role, we are in trouble. We can’t be. It’s physically, emotionally, and socially impossible.

We can connect in authentic ways. Realizing this, it’s important to take away the burden of thinking “it’s our job” to be best friends with everyone and make it our calling. The word job is often used in negative light, but I believe it goes right along with “calling.” To call people your job isn’t bad – it’s bad if you check out after 5pm everyday and don’t care authentically for their well-being.

If you are able to successfully redefine the word “friend,” you will then be able to connect to your team or floor in a more effective way.

All of a sudden it no longer becomes a to-do list line but a calling! You can meet up with them in 1x1s and enjoy it, you can goof around with them and actually unwind, you can counsel them in their deepest (and sometimes not their deepest) time of need, and you can build more authentic and quality relationship with them (again, not friendship. Your friends are different than relationships).

2. Delegate well, and push people to reach their potential. If you need to plan a floor event, ask the women and men on your floor to help out. Have them come up with ideas and call places, have them print out a sign up sheet, etc.

This isn’t a dereliction of duty but rather a delegation of duty that will help you succeed as their authority (and fellow student) but also empower them to grow! Now, if you give off all your responsibilities, that’s another thing, but since you are a leader, I’ll assume you don’t do that!

3. Pray, fast, and get away. It’s okay to take a Sabbath day once in awhile. Turn off the phone, leave your MacBook at home, get in the car and go to the beach or coffee shop – I recommend the Art District in LA where Handsome Brother Roasters just opened up. I actually just saw an RA there spending his day reading!

Now onto heavier things.

The following are stats I’ve gotten from a few resources, including Rid of My Disgrace: Hope and Healing for Victims of Sexual Assault by Dr. Justin Holcomb and his wife, Lindsey, Real Marriage by Mark and Grace Driscoll, Mars Hill Church, and last but not least, My Name is Hope by John Mark Comer.

I bring these stats up to help provide a vision for God’s kingdom and to push people to Jesus. As leaders, we need to be aware these problems and sins exist, and we need to utilize this powerful knowledge to deeply reach our community in love, grace, and Christ-centered visions.

Depression:

· In 2010, 253 million prescriptions were written for anti-depressants in the U.S.

· America has a population of 311 million people.

That’s 88% of our population who have been diagnosed as depressed, including children, teenagers, and adults, those who know Jesus and those who don’t.

· There are more than 34,000 suicides a year.

· 94 suicides a day

· One every 15 minutes.

A floor in Horton can have nearly 70 people on it.

If we base it on statistics, those who feel the symptoms of clinical depression (prolonged sadness, mood swings, thoughts of suicide, lack of energy, sleep etc., for more than two weeks), then 56 people on a floor could be depressed.

We have students on suicide watch every year. Yet, many times, RA’s aren’t even aware of it…more often, roommates are not aware of it. On top of that, many of our leaders suffer from it.

Those who are depressed can often put on a good Christian face to hide the pain and hell they feel inside. Sometimes, we can never tell.

I want to raise the question on why we don’t know. If we’re truly in community, these things will come up. So, how can we be pursuing people deeper and more authentically?

Sexual Assault Victims: Any type of sexual behavior or contact where consent is not freely given or obtained and accomplished through force, intimidation, violence, coercion, manipulation, threat, deception, or abuse of authority.

· Every 2 minutes someone in the US is sexually assaulted.

· 17% (or 1/6) men and 25% (1/4) women are or will be victims of sexual assault in their lifetime.

· 90% of young women involved in prostitution (or porn, adult entertainment, etc.) were sexually abused as children.

· 80% of victims are assaulted by a known acquaintance.

· 80% of victims are under 30.

· Only 5-20% of assaults are actually reported.

My heart is grieved when I reread these stats. We’re facing an epidemic – and without resolution. If we break this down, that means anywhere from 1,200-1,700 Biola students have been assaulted or will be assaulted.

Many of whom have been assaulted and either has kept it secret or never properly healed.

If you take a floor of 60 girls in a dorm, 15 are assault victims.

On a floor of 60 guys, 10 are victims.

Many are assaulted by family members or people in the church – which leads to a lie by Satan that they cannot go anywhere to tell anyone.

That lie is from the pit of hell, and we need to reach these students.

Again, how many of us don’t know the truth in the broken pasts of our friends? So, how can we be pursuing people deeper and more authentically?

Porn: Including soft and hardcore images, videos, magazines, or anything that constitutes sexual material.

· 90% of children ages 8-16 have viewed porn.

· Porn sites comprise 12% of all the Internet sites available.

· 25% of the search engine requests are for porn.

· 70% of men ages 18-34 visit a porn site in a typical month

· 1/6 women are addicted to porn.

· 10-14 billion dollars are spent on porn annually – the same amount the US Government typically spends on foreign aid.

· Every second, 28,258 people view porn.

This use to be a leadership topic solely for men. No longer.

On a floor of 60 people:

· 10 women are addicted to porn.

· 42 men are addicted to porn.

If you’re overlooking this as something “everyone struggles with” you are apart of the problem. If you don’t think it exists, you are ignorant. If you think it’s okay, you need to rethink Jesus. So, how can we be pursuing people deeper and more authentically?

My thoughts:

1. We need to pursue people in a deeper and more loving way. I wrote about it in my last blog, but I would like to expand on it again. If we don’t know which one of your friends has been sexually assaulted, addicted to porn, or suffer from depression, we either are terrible friends or we’re not pursuing people in deep authentic love. I’d go with the latter instead of the former. However, if you do know whom these people are you better be pursuing them.

This doesn’t mean we force counsel our friends, it doesn’t mean we have awkward encounters where we confront them; it means we actively pursue real community (both shoulder to shoulder and face to face time) with those we love. We need to be spending time with our friends and putting ourselves in positions of vulnerability. By spending time, seeking Jesus together, praying with one another and for one another, and actively seek constant redemption together, then these things will be uncovered.

2. We constantly must be thinking of these things. It can be depressing, but we have hope! These three horrifying stats don’t even include drugs and alcohol abuse. I bring these up to show you that just because we’re at a Christian school doesn’t mean everyone has fallen into grace and healing. If we understand and embrace these concepts, we can love people in a more enriching and authentic way.

3. Not everyone at Biola is a Christian. This is hard to write, it’s harder to accept, and it’s controversial but no one I’ve talked to disagreed. Yes, we sign an admission of faith when we enroll. But that doesn’t mean people have really met the real Jesus.

One study done by a professor in the biblical-studies department said his average class surveys of upper classman shows that less than 40% go to church consistently, less than that are involved in a ministry or community group.

Not everyone at our school has been redeemed by Christ’s love and sacrifice at the cross. There are sleepy Christians, lukewarm individuals, and people who are choosing to live in habitual sins, among other things.

None of these things show that someone has died to their sins and been made alive in Christ (Ephesians 2). In fact, it’s the opposite. I think back to 1 John 2, “If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For all that is in the world – the desires of the flesh and the desires of the eyes and pride of life – is not from the Father but is from the world. And the world is passing away with its desires, but whoever does the will of God abides forever.”

Christ’s attributes will reflected in us if we are passionately following him. Living in habitual sin, lukewarm lifestyles, or those who choose not to actively live out their faith are living by the world’s standards, not Christ.

That said…

4. We need to push people to Jesus by reflecting His attributes. We need to push people to go chapel, go to ministries on campus, and most importantly, go to church. We need to be mentors and be mentored. We need to seek the scriptures passionately and with a zeal to learn from Christ and see how the church and the apostles lived their life. We need to be tough – but in love and grace – and rebuke our fellow Biolians to love Jesus! There is nothing wrong with that! Some need a quick kick to the batteries, some need a shoulder to cry out, but we all need something.

My greatest hope is that we all become preachers of the Gospel message to fellow Christians, especially at our school. Again, know your audience and know who needs what kind of encouragement, but never flee or grow tired from doing what is good (2 Thessalonians 3:13).

This blog is meant to be a source of gospel-driven truth that pushes all of us in conviction towards Jesus – myself included. They are heavy stats, heavy facts, and hard to accept. But we need to – our communities are in dire need for leadership to step up and lead the way to redemption through Christ and His grace.

1,500 Facebook Friends: 10 Real Ones

Sat, 03 Mar 2012 22:27:00 -0800

I’ll never forget one of the key conversations that started transforming my mind to start thinking differently about friendships.

I was sitting outside the Student Union Building with my friends Taelor and Jean, both sisters whom love Jesus dearly and were always kicking my sorry butt about stuff I did.

While our conversation was in essence about a girl I was interested at the time, it revolutionized my thinking about friendships and what I value in people.

Taelor quipped, “So, tell me why you are interested in her?”

I answered, “Well, she’s going overseas to go to a Bible school and go on a mission trip. That’s pretty cool. She’s funny. We get along pretty well. She likes the same stuff in Portland…and she’s from Portland so that’s all good!”

Taelor quipped again, “No, I want to knowthe deeper things.”

I had no answer…and Taelor knew I wouldn’t. She told me to get back to her when I could…and I never was able to. In fact, she made me realize that past being an extremely attractive girl who loves Jesus, there wasn’t much knowledge or basis for me to be interested in aforementioned girl.

At this point in my life, I had spent nearly two years living in a dorm. By God’s grace, I was blessed to be involved with the Mosaic community of South Horton, where a lot of my authentic and deep-rooted friendships have come from. Some of my best friends – brothers – who keep me accountable, challenge me, rebuke me, love on me, all hail from Mosaic.

But there was a false dichotomy growing in my mind between what a real community looks like and what a shallow community looks like.

In a nutshell:

1. Real community mirrors and reflects the image of Jesus, His life and testimony, and the gospel message of the cross.

2. Real community and real friendships meant understanding that I can’t have 50. Jesus had three close friends and a lot of relationships.

3. Real community means knowing people at a deep level where you can pray, love, rebuke, challenge, uphold, weep with, and walk both the valleys and mountain tops with.

Just like dating doesn’t start with “we” or “me” but “Jesus” so does community. So with that, let’s continue.

We can’t have 50 best friends. If you look at Jesus and His life, He keeps three friends close to his vest: Peter, James, and John. Three specific scriptural instances show that He brought these disciples along for special purposes, training, and bonding: the raising of Jairus’ daughter (Mark 5:35-43), the Transfiguration (Matthew 17), and the Garden of Gethsemane (Matthew 26:36-46). Jesus was both a teacher and brother to them. We need to do both these roles with our friends. He rebuked them (Matthew 16:23) and counted on them to pray for Him in the garden before He was given up. Of course, by God’s grace, we won’t fail and fall asleep when our friends ask us to do the same.

We need to understand inner circle friendships, outer circle friendships, and floater relationships. Based on Jesus and His inner circle, it’s important to look at some of His important outer circle friendships and understand the difference. Mary, Martha, and Lazarus are three people Jesus sacrificed for – albeit it not on a daily basis. However, He had an active presence in their life, came to them in a time of need (Lazarus, John 11), and provided, taught, and challenged them (Luke 10:38-42).

Who are your inner circle friends? I have 5 guys in my Biola community who I can tangibly sacrifice for. After Jesus, they are my family. If they are sick, in need of a ride, need a meal covered, need a favor done; I will bend over backwards to do it. If they needed a kidney, I would give it. This is at all costs. If they were being hurt or harassed, I would do everything in my power to defend them, by God’s grace, even at the cost of my life. That’s what love is. I don’t say this to brag or put myself up on a grand stage, I simply say this because this is exactly what Jesus did and we are called to model our lives after Him.

Next, who are your outer circle friends? My outer circle is mixed with men and women who I do my best to sacrifice for. I can’t always promise them I will be at everything they invite me to, I can’t always drop everything on my plate to rush to their side, but I will cut back as much as possible to make time for them, because I care and love them. It sounds harsh, but it’s simply realistic. You only have so much emotional investments available to cash in on. Psychologically, sociologically, and physically, you can only be in so many places at so many times, and you can only have your heart and soul with so many people, at so many times. If you stretch yourself too thin – which I used to be guilty of, all the time – you have to sacrifice something…and it usually ends up to be your relationship with Jesus.

It’s important to realize that you can’t touch base with everyone. This is what I call floater friends. Floater friends are people you have open relationships with, who you would love to sit down and chat with, but your worlds never collide often enough to do so. I have the perfect example of this. I have two friends, both people I spent considerable amounts of time with freshman year here at Biola. Recently, I’ve run into them quite a bit and they’ve asked to hang out. It’s awful, but it just isn’t always plausible. We all put in 40-70 hour weeks as college students (some more productive hours than others, but I digress…). However, both have made a concentrated effort to get together, and so because I found (and they found) an agreeable time in the next week, we’re shooting to get together. These friends are people I still care about – as we’re called to – but I won’t be able to sacrifice for as much as I would like. I certainly spend time praying for them when I hear they are in need, I do my best to provide aid when I can, but realistically, I had to see I can’t act like I can carry every detail about them on my shoulders, just as they can’t carry mine.

We need to know our friends at a deeper level than their Facebook info, their major and hometown, and what time they can meet at the Café for dinner. I wrote this in my last post, but if you can’t tell me your “best friends” deepest struggles because you don’t know them, then they aren’t your best friends. Just because you go to the Café with them every Sunday, hit up the new Navy Seal movie premier with them on a Thursday, go to Disneyland with them and pray with them a few times a week, doesn’t mean you’re best friends. It can but often times it doesn’t. This is especially true of guys. Stop spending so much shoulder-to-shoulder time and do the awkward thing of having face-to-face time. Girls, learn that face-to-face time is wonderful, but so is going to the movies or shopping and goofing around. We need balance.

Know which one of your inner and outer circle friends struggles with porn, has an eating disorder, has been a sexual assault victim in the past – or present, wrestling with homosexuality, drugs, or alcohol abuse, doesn’t talk to their parents, has daddy issues, has mama boy syndrome, plays too many video games, gossips about their friends, etc. If you don’t know this about them, and they don’t know your deepest darkest secrets, and they are your best friends you need to realize you have issues to resolve. If you’re hiding these problems from them or hiding from their problems, more than likely you’re also hiding from God and hiding from the things He is calling you to.

If you do know these things, you know how to pray, provide, rebuke, pursue, and love them better.

So, what should you do?

Pray, seek, and write out your friend groups. Divide them into inner and outer circles. Know your limitations and commitments.

Get together with your friends, one by one. Find out how you can love and pursue them deeper. For guys, this will be awkward and miserable. For girls, you have to make sure they don’t give you a shallow and Christianese response. Dig deeper!

Never dispose of your friends at sacrifice for your career, success, or ministry. I will post a more detailed blog about this and other leadership ideas soon. One of the sweetest things God has created is to be in community. Never sacrifice it.

Find a church, be trained, raised up, and pursued and loved deeper! This will be a reoccurring theme in my blog posts. Find a church full of people, races, and perspectives that differ from yours – except the theology of course. Get involved in ministries, community or home groups, and find a mentor. It’s awkward at first, but totally worth it. For more, refer to the previous blog.

My plea and prayer is this: that by God’s grace, you will desire to love and pursue your friends deeper because Jesus loves and pursues you deeply, that you won’t hide from your friends or our God, and that we will carry the burdens of each other as the church are called to.

I have been rightfully accused of being the exact person I just spent time to write about. I’ll admit that. I was a terrible and shallow friend, flaky at best, and never to be counted on. By God’s grace, I believe I have been smacked in the face enough to learn I had burned enough bridges. I lost some friends, some friends pulled me a long, and all together, my relationship with Christ has been changed forever. I desire this for you.

I’m not an expert in anything I’m writing about, simply a sinful person who has been redeemed and is constantly being sanctified by Christ’s love, mercy, and grace, and have a deep desire for you to experience the same thing.