When I was 14, I was brilliant. I knew the answers to the questions that mysterious women brought on. My life plan was soundly rooted in logic: become an NFL superstar, make money, marry a smoking good looking rich girl, go to church, and start some amazing non-prof that would serve others. If this failed, I’d go to college and become a college football star, and the rest would remain. I figured that by at least having a fallback plan, I was covered.
At (almost) 22, I see brilliance as foolish, ignorant, stupidity. I didn’t become an NFL star and didn’t even make it to the college level because I was limping out of my high school. I haven’t married rich, and turns out, when women find out your plan, they become even more mysterious (and elusive).
That being said, when I was 14, I was also brought to the City of Fullerton on a mission trip, staying downtown at a local church with 10 foot steel gate and an order not to traverse outside between the hours of 10pm-6am.
After that experience, and wondering what this abusively and abrasive orange thing in the sky was, I decided I would never move to Fullerton, much less Southern California, and I certainly would never like the beach, drunk college students, and being a missionary.
In God’s ever revealing sovereign way, at (almost) 22 years of age, I live in Fullerton. In fact, I live about .25 miles from that church. By the grace of God, I not only live in Southern California, but I love it too. Aside from the beach, Disneyland, and ever-prominent Mercedes SUVS, there’s actually a lot to love around here (slight bit of sarcasm both ways).
At the end of the day, I love how much this city (and region) needs Jesus, because it shows the epidemic that’s continuing to grow in this country and around the world: lack of men stepping up to be leaders, the growing affluence, the growing poverty, the gap between the two, and the selfishness of the “Me First Always” mentality.
As I sit on my deck, observing the traffic flow by BnB Donuts, I can’t help but thank God that this is my current calling: to live in Fullerton, to immerse myself in the deadly OC community, and to be on mission to my neighbors and neighborhood, which happens to be “crack-addict gang land” according to local officers (P.S, dad, if you’re reading this, don’t tell mom).
At church (Mars Hill Orange County), we have been talking a lot about our calling and what it means to live a life that leaves a lasting legacy and impact on our immediate surroundings. Jesus not only put us here, but He’s called us here as well. Ironic, right?
The best bit of wisdom comes from a man in my community group who said that “If you have a heart to be somewhere else but don’t have a heart for the people you’re currently with, you hate the very people God is calling you to right now.”
Those of you who know me know how hard it is for me to deal with people who don’t speak English and people who are snobby, rich, and over indulged in self-pleasure. I happen to live in the epitome of both.
The bottom line: the frustration I feel on a daily basis when I think about how thick headed these people must be to not live for Jesus gives me a picture of what God puts up with when I disobey Him or make mistakes that go away from the truth of the Gospel and to the lies of sin.
Paul writes that we are to “die to sin” (Rom. 6:1-14). Whether that’s a sin that we like to keep hidden in the darkest corners of our souls (porn, eating disorders, abusive relationships) or more present sins (road rage, bitterness, sarcasm), we are to die to those sins and live freed in Christ. To live in those sins is to be living in bondage and slavery to sin.
Realizing the depth of our sins is so great that it crucified Jesus, killed God on the cross, only makes us realize the magnitude, depth, and unending presence of grace through the resurrection and eternal presence of Christ.
As a result, aside from true joy, satisfaction, and sanctification in Christ, it helps us realize the importance to be on mission for the Kingdom. It’s easier to mentally (or verbally) judge and criticize the rude customer who orders a 32 oz. ice blended…it’s not easy to choose to let the Holy Spirit convict us and lead us to loving them.
One quick example: a woman was brutally short and rude with the staff at Coffee Bean at the beginning of this summer. Being paid to be friendly, I engaged the woman in conversation as I cleaned a table, and I won’t lie to you – it was 99% because I am paid to do so. What happened next was transforming, convicting, and life changing.
When explaining that her day was about to get worse, she lamented to me she was in her last week of chemotherapy before she got her next report on her cancer. She was embarrassed and ashamed of her disease – a disease that we don’t want to see anyone receive. She hid her short hair under a headband, and the deep lines of her face showed the stress had aged her beyond her 50-year-old body should allow.
I’m not paid to cry. But I did so.
The point of this is to say I failed at being on mission, and God used that moment to become a teaching moment of the Gospel. Who am I to judge why someone is rude to me? The selfishness alone in that statement is enough to make me scream at myself in anger.
Luckily for us, Jesus has already won this war. It’s up to us to live on mission daily for the battles we face as believers. The next time you get a grumpy customer or rude look when someone cuts you off, remember that they are made in the living image of God, and Jesus chose to die for them and you – so you wouldn’t have to.
Matthew is a senior at Biola University studying Psychology with a minor in Biblical Studies. For contact information, questions, comments, or to drop a line, click here.
The past year I have seen a good friend of mine go through trial (and error) with a relationship with a young man and its effects on her relationship with Jesus.
Her story, while unique, is something I have experienced, both personally and vicariously through others. In a nutshell, a long time friend of hers has been on and off with his pursuit of Jesus but has always been on in his pursuit of her.
While her younger self made promises to him that she would give him a chance if he got his act together and started loving, following, and pursuing Jesus, her growing sanctified self realized that it was a promise she couldn’t keep. This brought on a very difficult time telling him no, despite the fact he appears to be trying to be more like Jesus. By God’s grace, she understands her identity is in Jesus and the gift of salvation on the cross – not by man’s approval (Galatians 1:10-11) – and is patiently trusting this as she is belittled and her character attacked.
All together, my friend showed great faith and perseverance as she has succeeded in loving and reflecting Jesus, and pushing this young man to the cross.
That said I want to give a few thoughts of what I’ve seen other’s do in the same situation.
1. Be leery of people who start pursuing Jesus because of a member of the opposite sex.
While it seems obvious, it isn’t to most people. Too many (young) Christians challenge someone they are interested in to follow and love Jesus, hoping they do, hoping they can eventually date, fall in love, and get married.
As soon as the other person starts to show signs of new life, the relationships starts only to see that the roots weren’t set in good soil and instead were like seeds thrown on a rocky path (Luke 8:4-8).
This nearly always ends badly, normally with one or both people returning to habitual sin, often times together, and it leads to a broken relationship with Jesus.
2. Jesus Redeems Bad Motivators
While I am strongly against jump-starting a relationship when someone starts to pursue Jesus because of another (see point 1), that doesn’t mean Jesus can’t or won’t redeem it.
Jesus uses a plethora of inspirations to bring people to Him (Philippians 1:18). Personally, I am a living example of this. I started to attend Bible study and church regularly because of a young lady. I started to read my Bible out of competition to show her I loved Jesus too (I was 14, give me a break.) Healthy? No. Ordained in God’s plan? Amen.
Fast forward 9 years later and by the grace of God I am attending a Bible loving university, serving in a Jesus loving church, and passionately pursuing Jesus! That young lady is happily married and is a part of a family (which will grow hopefully soon?) that is all about Jesus.
If a person is saying they will start getting their act together for you, encourage them to do three things.
· First, help them find a different Jesus-loving church than you, and attend regularly on their own.
· Second, encourage them to find a mentor (1x1) in this church and make sure they are going.
· Third, watch and see if they get into a community group (or life group, core group, whatever the church calls it).
3. You’re Not Jesus
People always try to become replacement parts. As Pastor Mark Driscoll says in his Trial Serieswomen often times stick around with boys because their maternal instinct kicks in.
For men, often times our “Mr. Fix It” side kicks in. We try to become whatever they need – Replacement Dad, Mom, Brother, Sister, Pastor, Mentor, etc. At the end of the day, it’s really a worship issue. We worship them as our idol, and therefore we try to make ourselves their idol.
You aren’t Jesus nor can you replace real Jesus. Don’t try.
4. Pray, Pray, and Pray Some more.
This seems obvious, but one area that I saw my friend really excel in was her dedicated prayer to this young man. She always trusted that God’s will would be done even if it was against her desires.
Paul writes in 1 Thessalonians 5 that we should “pray without ceasing” and James the brother of Jesus adds that we should pray in all situations and pray over people in all situations (James 5:13-18).
Whether this is prayer on your knees or prayer spent time journaling to God, be encouraged that prayer works in our best interests (even if we do not see it that way).
Finally, as much as prayer is talking and telling God where we are at, people forget equally and perhaps more importantly is to listen to God’s response. One book I found extremely helpful for this and other disciplines of being a disciple is Celebration of Disciplineby Richard Foster.
5. Live on Mission
What is your inspiration for others to come to Christ? Is it so they will use their skill set to somehow benefit your church and ministry or is it because you deeply care for their soul and eternal situation?
If you’re motivation for someone to love Jesus is for your benefit (aka so you can date them) then you should probably check out of the game and have other Jesus loving people surround your friend.
If you’re motivation is for their soul and advancing the Kingdom of Christ, then stop playing the game and be smart. Jesus knew His own physical limitations in ministry (read Luke for countless examples). He constantly left his ministry to spend time alone. If you truly honestly believe Jesus is calling you to minister into someone of the opposite sex’s life, do it wisely and don’t be afraid to wander into the wilderness to recharge.
If it’s a guy, surround them with brothers you can trust. If it’s a girl, find Jesus-loving girls to surround her and show her what a Godly woman looks like.
Remember that ultimately it’s Jesus who brings real change, and you have a limitation emotionally, spiritually, and physically and that your role is ultimately smaller compared to people of the same gender.
Never grow weary in doing good (Gal. 6:9). Realize your limitations, realize your actual calling, and don’t be selfish. Simple enough, right?
Matthew is a senior at Biola University studying Psychology with a minor in Biblical Studies. For contact information, questions, comments, or to drop a line, click here.
